…or at least these 6. I had a small video project to do.  I’ve never done  a video.  I have a Flip Video camera . I wrote the script.  I was ready to go.  But, I had a zillion other things to do as well.  So, I ended up getting pretty much nothing done.  I just couldn’t get motivated.  It occurred to me that how I approached this porject is not unique to how I approach other new, challenges.  In the hopes of helping you avoid having a similar experience, I want to share what went wrong.

1.  I didn’t set a deadline.  I never committed to getting the video done by a specific time.

2.  I didn’t determine my priorities.  Each time I’d think about working on the video, thoughts of another project crept in to my head and I’d get distracted.  I’d tell myself I’d do the video as soon as I finished x, y and z.  By the time I did those things, plus anything else that came along, it was too late to do the video.  At the end of the day, I was exhausted but felt as if I hadn’t accomplished the important things I needed to get done.

3.  I picked the low hanging fruit.  In my overwhelm, I worked on and completed the easiest, most obvious and urgent, short term projects, leaving the more challenging, complex, strategic, important long term things undone.

4.  I tried to do it alone.  Instead of asking for help, I struggled to figure out how to set up for the shoot and do it by myself.  As a result, I had ‘takes’ where my head wasn’t in the picture, there was dead air between the time I pressed the record button and got into position.

5.  I insisted on perfection, which, I actually never achieved (no kidding!)  When I finally focused on filming the video, I redid it over and over and over and over and over… I spent hours over multiple days filming a 5 minute segment.

6.  I had a constant stream of negative chatter going on in my head about the whole process which I let discourage and derail me.

Well, it’s finally done now.  And, I learned a lot of lessons in the process.  Maybe next time, I won’t make the same mistakes.  Maybe I won’t break all the rules.  And, with more awareness and practice, maybe eventually, I won’t break any.  At the very least, by sharing my experience, maybe I’ll help you avoid some of the pitfalls of doing something new.

The other day, someone asked me, ‘what are your gifts?’  I went blank.  I know I have skills and talents and I’m successful, my most standards…but what are my gifts?  Is there some one or two things that I can do that really stands out?  that I’m ‘known’ for?  that drives me or attracts others to me?  I’m creative, although I never thought I was, I’m a good listener, I’m smart, I have a good sense of humor, I’m good at helping others identify their gifts.  So then, it occurred to me, my gift is my heart.  I am happiest and most effective when I am connecting with others, I mean deeply connecting, contributing to them in a way that makes them shine a little brighter.  Then I got a severe case of the “always”.  I said to myself, I don’t always come from my heart.  If you asked my kids, they wouldn’t see it that way, and some of my friends and members of some of my communities, or my family.  But, I also realized that when I’m not using my the gift of my heart, when I’m coming from anger or fear or insecurity,  I am less satisfied, less fulfilled and less effective.   I’m lucky, because I get to do work that utilizes my gifts.  What are your gifts?  What are you doing that puts those gifts to their best use?  Recognizing and embracing your gifts can help you make changes that are aligned with your true self and lead to greater happiness.

Stop taking yourself so seriously!  Your internal conversation is one sentence away from a full season of sitcoms!  We create such drama in our heads!  Listen…’I can’t possibly…”She’s such a….’ ’They always…’ ‘He never…’ ‘Oh, woe is me, it isn’t fair!’   According to John Lennon, “life is what happens when you’re making other plans.”  So, it’s time to get real, get present, lighten up and rock and roll!  Negative self talk is a nasty, self-defeating bad habit that can be changed!  Try laughing at yourself and life’s little curve balls.  It may not solve the problem but you’ll sure have a lot more fun while you’re dealing with it.

Let me give you an example from my own experience.  One night, while I was working with the students who make New Leaf Touchstone bracelets and pocket stones, the girls were fooling around and several boxes of beads spilled on the floor.  My knee jerk reaction was to get really mad.  That was money all over the floor, after all… and the girls shouldn’t have been fooling around… and they know they aren’t supposed to be hopping up and down out of their chairs… and they are being careless and not listening… and they don’t respect me and the value of the beads… and well, you get the point… I was on the fast train to a bad night.  And, do you know what?  The beads were still all over the floor.  So, in a split second, I decided to make a big, funny scene about it…I started singing an opera aria:  “Oh no, there are beads all over the floor”  I crooned at the top of my lungs in my best soprano voice.  The girls all stopped dead in their tracks and looked at me,  I kept singing as I began to pick up the beads.  Then, still singing, I invited them to help me pick up beads with me.  They joined in and before you know it, we were all singing and laughing and every bead that had fallen was back in its proper place!  Problem solved, fun experienced, relationships built! 

This was especially significant for these girls because many of them come from homes where they have been punished for looking cross-eyed at someone.  My little drama helped them see that people make mistakes, accidents happen and they just need to take responsibility for cleaning up the mess that is created, whether physical or emotional, learn what to do differently to avoid it happening again and voila, D-U-N! 

Oh, I love a little drama!  Especially when it’s positive!

I’ve taken up running…again.  I can’t believe I just said that out loud to all of my readers.  Guess I’ll have to be accountable now.   Anyway, running has felt like torture for the past few weeks.  I keep saying to myself, ‘just run to that tree, then you can walk for a while and then run again.’  Over and over, I kept giving myself short milestones and then, usually pushing myself just a bit past them.  That worked in terms of pushing me to run but I wasn’t enjoying it at all.  I was totally focused on getting to that spot, paying attention to the process of running, noticing how hard it was, and how my lungs and legs felt.  I was only satisfied by having reached my destination.  So, my strategy worked to get me to keep going when my head told me to stop.  But what’s the point of doing something if there’s no enjoyment at all?  So this morning, I tried a different approach.  This morning I just ran.  I thought about other things: my vision for my business, my plans for the weekend.  I noticed the beautiful flowers blooming in people’s gardens and the sweet smell of the blossoms on the trees as I passed by them.  And then, I noticed that I had run past where I usually struggle to get to and I was still going strong.   I was in the moment instead of striving to get somewhere I wasn’t.  I was actually enjoying my run!  Goals are important and I strongly encourage you to have them.  But remember to be in the moment as you move toward your goal.  There’s much gold to be mined there.  Enjoy your journey!

Lately, I’ve been feeling as like I haven’t gotten enough done. I’m impatient.  Things aren’t happening fast enough  Can you identify?  After those thoughts comes, I’m not good enough, I’m disorganized, if only… Ok, so you get the picture?  Maybe you feel my pain?  We all sometimes stand at the the precipice of that slippery slope into self doubt and fear.  So, today, as I was rescuing myself from the jaws of self-defeat, I began to think about the many quotes and parables and stories I’ve read that tout lessons in patience.  A few that came to mind were:  slow and steady wins the race, patience is a virtue, and one step at a time.  I thought about Aesop’s Fable,The Tortoise and the Hare   http://bit.ly/UWmPw   and The Star Fish Story http://www.starrbrite.com/starfish.html and my all-time favorite, The Daffodil Story  (http://www.atthewell.com/daffodils/).  And, each of these, along with many other lessons I’ve learned from life, motivate me to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, being proud of and grateful for what I have accomplished, knowing that each step forward is getting me that much closer to my goal.  And, knowing too, that as soon as I get to one goal, there will be another, even bigger one right beyond it.  And such is life.  And I wouldn’t want it any other way!

OK. Raise your hand if you have trouble asking for help. Come on, tell the truth. Put your hand up!!Often, we think we’ve got to do it all alone.  We have to prove how smart, strong, or good we are.  We think asking for help or support or even information makes us look weak and vulnerable and ‘less than’. Or we think that our asking will be an imposition. Well, not so. It takes a strong, confident person to reach out and ask for help. I’ve been surprised and delighted at how genuinely happy others are to step up and offer support. I’ve learned that a request for help is just an invitation. I’ve learned to ask in a way that lets the other person know it’s OK if the answer is no. I’m not attached to the person saying yes. In the past, I’ve mustered up my courage to make a request and then, when the person said yes, I felt guilty; like she didn’t really want to but felt she had to. Since I’ve learned to say no graciously, I’ve come to understand that when another says yes, it’s a choice he’s made to do so. How he deals with it later is not my business. He had the option to say no, or no not now, or I can’t do that but I can do this. There are many options when someone makes a request.

In good times and bad, we often want to stand by others and we often need someone to stand by us. It might be a crisis, the need for help on an initiative or information for a project or maybe to share our joy after a big win. Despite whatever physical distance there may be between us, we all need others.
This great video clip expresses it so well! Enjoy.

You’re tired.  It seems all you’ve done all day is respond to requests, put out fires, and defend the ineptitude of others. The to do list you created this morning looks pretty much the same as it did at 8:00 AM. You’ve been so busy, you haven’t even had time to go to the bathroom yet you feel as if you’ve accomplished nothing.  Your well is dry. As you drive home from work, you have an image of quiet solitude.  You crave the peace and privacy of your very own home.  You begin to unwind, anticipating the relaxing evening that is just inside your front door.   And then, as soon as you turn the doorknob, your dream is shattered.  The kids are wrestling, they need help with their homework, they are feigning starvation; the house is in a state of disarray, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink and you remember that your significant other is away on a business trip.  You lose it.  Before you know it, you are yelling at the kids, kicking the dog and reaching for the bottle of wine (or whiskey).  Your children tell you that their day was better before you walked into it, and you are feeling badly, realizing they are probably right. 

So, what can you do to avoid such a situation? 

1.      Manage your time at work so that you get important things done and gain a sense of accomplishment.

2.      Plan and prepare dinners in advance so that you aren’t faced with that task the minute you walk in the door.

3.      As you are driving home, recognize your stress.  Acknowledge how you’re feeling and the causes of the feelings.

4.      Change your expectations.  Stress is often a result of reality being inconsistent with expectations.  Expect a little craziness when you walk through the door.  Then you won’t be surprised or disappointed when that’s what you get! 

5.      Change your conversation with yourself.  Instead of telling yourself your kids should be quiet and respectful of your feelings, tell yourself that they are kids, they have spent the better part of their day holding it together in school and now they need to act like kids and make a little noise, have a little fun and make a mess.  They are doing their job and they are darn good at it!

6.      Create a re-entry plan and stick to it.  Make a conscious choice about how you are going to deal with the chaos you walk in on.

Option A: Ignore it, go to a peaceful place and just sit and relax for a few minutes or   meditate. 

Option B:  Get radical and jump right into the fray.  Join in the fun.  There’s time for clean up later!

Option C:  What ideas do you have?

Life is short!  Live it without regrets!!

Do not read this if you are trying to give up chocolate!! I’m not a bona fide chocoholic by any means.  In fact, I’m not one to seek out chocolate.  Don’t get me wrong, if it’s put in front of me, I don’t stand a chance, but I don’t crave chocolate or go out of my way to get it.  That is, until now…  Last night, I attended a networking event hosted by Taza Chocolate in Somerville, MA (www.tazachocolate.com).  The founder of Taza, Alex Whitmore has always been passionate about food and committed to social responsibility.  He and business partner, Larry Slotnick have a very clear mission and run their company in a way that is 100% consistent with this mission and their shared values, even when it takes more time and results in smaller profit margins.  They both left successful careers in unrelated industries to pursue their dream. 

Alex gave us a tour of his facility and explained the entire production process.  (You can learn the same thing by going on the web site, without the passion or Alex’s explanation and stories.)  What I learned last night totally changed my perspective on chocolate…  oh, great…another thing I have to wrestle with.  Thanks guys!   And, it inspired me because Alex and Larry are true values driven entrpreneurs, doing well, inspite of today’s economic realities!  Congratulations and good luck.  If you have defied my recommendation not to read this and have gotten this far, it will be worth your while to check out their site and find out where you can get Taza Chocolate in your neighborhood.  You won’t be sorry!  And now, I’ve got to go to the gym and work off last night’s ‘dinner’.

By now, you’ve probably heard about Susan Boyle, the frumpy  47 year old woman from a small collection of um, collection of um, ah yes, villages in Scotland.  If you haven’t, you have to check her out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY  Susan Boyle is a shining example to us all.  She declares that she’s always wanted to sing in front of a large audience.  She has a dream.   She is currently unemployed, living with her cat, Pebbles.  She has been singing since she was 12, apparently for her church choir and in the shower.  Why did she not go public until now?  Maybe she thought she wasn’t good enough.  Or perhaps she thought she didn’t ‘look like’ a singer.  Maybe she was too busy taking care of others.   Maybe she didn’t know how to get started.  Maybe she didn’t have a network of supportive friends and cheerleaders to offer guidance and gently push her along.  Maybe she focused more on what was wrong and what was missing than on her amazing gifts.   For whatever reason, she, up until now, has robbed the world of her amazing talent.  Why now?  Why, in April 2009, did Susan Boyle declare:  “I’m going to make this audience rock” and then go on to do just that?  Who knows.  But, it’s never too late! 

In what ways are you cheating the world out of your gifts and talents?  Where are you being stingy about sharing your best self?  What one thing could you do that would get the wheels of change moving?  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  How will you use it?