When I think of the word integrity, I think of being true to your word.  So my question, quite simply is, do you do what you say you will do when you say you will do it for yourself as well as for others?  Random House Dictionary  says integrity is ‘the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.’

When we are not true to our word, when we make promises that we do not keep, we are often ‘haunted’ by the black cloud of guilt, fear, embarrassment and more.  We are then, less than whole in the present moment, as a part of us is occupied with these feelings.

We tend to be better at being in integrity around commitments to others than those promises we make to ourselves.  This difference in standards  causes us not to be whole, to be fragmented.

Consider this:  You say to yourself, “I’m going to change my eating habits and have only one helping of food at each meal.  No more seconds.”  You find yourself really enjoying a dish that a friend cooked and thinking, “Oh, what can it hurt, I’ll start my ‘one serving’ routine tomorrow.  Besides, I don’t want to hurt her feelings”  You then leave the table feeling stuffed and remorseful, beating yourself up for not living up to your intention.  Or,

You tell yourself you are not going to lose your temper and scream at the kids (or your boss) and then you realize mid-explosion, that you are doing just what you vowed not to do.  You toss and turn all night thinking about how badly you feel and wishing you could take back your words and your actions.  You worry that it is destroying your relationships.

You commit to walking two miles, 3 days a week.  While you are getting ready to go one morning, you get a phone call from a friend.  By the time you get off the phone 30 minutes later, you don’t have time for your walk because you have another appointment so you blow it off.  You know you never would have done this if someone had been waiting for you to exercise.  You feel frustrated and logy all day.

The list of examples goes on and on.

So how do you stay in integrity and follow through on your commitments to yourself as you do with commitments to others?

1. Write your intention down.  Nothing like seeing it in black and white to make it real!
2. Schedule your commitment into your calendar.  Actually block out time, as if it is important because it is!  If it is an action, schedule the action, if it is a change in how you respond, schedule time to prepare yourself for the interaction.
3. Share your commitment with a friend, family member or colleague.  Ask him/her/them to help you stay on track.
4. Find a buddy to take action with you, if appropriate.  You’re more apt to stay on track if someone else is counting on you and, you’ll have more fun.
5. Use a New Leaf Touchstone bracelet or Pocket stone to remind you of your intention.
6. Notice the difference between how you feel both mentally and physically when you are in integrity with yourself vs. when you are not.
7. Acknowledge the benefits of doing what you said you  were going to do.  If there are no benefits, find another action that will reap more rewards.

Being in integrity is not only the right thing to do, it’s an empowering act and a huge step in making the changes you want to make in becoming your whole, best self.

Usually, when I hear the phrase, ‘Tis The Season’, it’s about the holiday season.  But, for me, late August/early September is the Stress season.  In North America, summer is winding down,  we’re  returning to our routines after having a more relaxed schedule, school is about to begin,  school buses will soon roll, causing changes in traffic patterns and delays, the days are getting shorter.  All of this creates a change in our rhythm, leading to stress.  Given this reality, we are well served to plan for the changes so that we can deal with them gracefully.

If you are struggling with the change of seasons and accompanying change of pace, try this:

1.  Accept that the change is happening.  There’s no point in resisting or denying that summer is coming to an end, that won’t change reality.

2.  Create a ceremony to celebrate the great aspects of your summer.  Try having everyone in the family share their top 3 memories or experiences of the summer, have a party or think of your own unique way to mark the passage of time.

3.  Discuss expectations and anticipation of the new season.   Ask each family member to share what they are most looking forward to as the calendar page is turned and what they are most concerned about.  (The latter so that it is on the table and can be addressed but not dwelled upon.)

4. Create clear routines.  Often summer is a time of looser plans, relaxed schedules, later bedtimes for kids, more flexibility.  Discuss the Fall schedule with everyone involved to set expectations and get agreement.

3.  Set goals for the Fall.  What do you want to do or accomplish?  How do you want your relationships to be?

4.  Expect a little chaos, it goes with the change.

5.  Move into your new routine gradually.  Begin making some of the changes now, before life forces you to.  Begin to get back onto a more regular schedule of mealtimes and bedtimes.  Have the kids begin to get up at their normal ’school’ time.  Find other ways to ease into the new season.

6.  Remember, time flies.  Summer will be here again before you know it!

I’ve talked about Self-Care a lot in my blog.  And now, I want to help you make Self-Care a regular practice so that you can feel the empowerment, vitality and mastery of doing those things for yourself that you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t gotten around to.  Remember, self-care is anything that you do that feeds your body, mind and spirit.  It may be exercising, taking a course, having time to yourself, writing, singing, saying ‘no’.  There are limitless possibilities. 

The common theme is that it is JUST FOR YOU!!!! 

And, while many feel that something that is just for you is selfish, I disagree and say it is self-less.  Making self-care a priority and a habit makes you the best you you can possible be!  You’ll have more to give, be more authentic and present…

Self-Care is an act of generosity.

Click here to learn more about making self-care part of your routine!

I had no idea that there were so many words with the letter that follows ‘J’ in the alphabet in it! So what? you might be saying… Well, that button on my computer doesn’t function. When I press it, I get nothing, zero, nada!

So, of course, I could have had a major meltdown or used it as an excuse to just close up shop and not write… but that didn’t even cross my mind… would either of those have been your ‘go to’ reaction?

Instead of throwing in the towel and falling victim to technology, I decided that I would continue to write and just find words that expressed what I wanted to say that didn’t have that letter in it. So…I’m doing pretty well so far… It’s hard because there a lot of very common words containing that letter. So, my writing feels a bit different, maybe odd… I feel the same as I would if I were using my non-dominant hand to write. I have to slow down and give careful consideration to what I am saying. I can’t just let my words flow. I have to be creative, if not elegant. But, I am committed to finding a way around my computer challenge!

So, what’s my point? Why am I writing about this? Because it occurred to me that when things don’t go smoothly or as planned in our lives, we often abandon our efforts. We fall victim to our circumstances. For example, when our intention to exercise is interrupted by some unexpected event, we say, ‘forget it’; or when we fall off of our healthy eating plan for a day, we abandon our effort altogether. In either of these cases, a better approach would be NOT to get emotional about the hiccup, but to go with it… to pose the question, “What could I do differently to be successful?” “What different approach could I use?”

And, there will be many options available to you… I chose to use words that would convey my message without using the letter that follows ‘J’ in the alphabet. I could have created a symbol to represent that letter and explained it in the beginning of my message (* = the letter after ‘J’ in the alphabet) Then, I would say: The * on my computer’s *eyboard isn’t wor*ing so I am using the * every time that letter appears in a word. I don’t *now how it got bro*en. Every other *ey wor*s just fine. I’ll get it fixed soon, but for now, I have to *eep wor*ing.’

Or, I could have copied the letter that follows ‘J’ in the alphabet from an old document and pasted it into this post each time I need to use it. In fact, I did try that for a while but it was really cumbersome so I only use that method to write certain things.

So, when life throws you curveballs, here’s my advice:

1.   Stay calm. Breathe deeply.
2.   Accept it as a challenge rather than a problem. Even turn it into a game. Spare yourself the heart scars!
3.   Consider all of the possible alternatives available to you. Get input from others if you can’t come up with   options yourself.
4.   Try a number of different possible solutions before deciding which will be best for you!
5.   Have fun with it! Have it be a growth experience for you rather than a burden!
6.   Congratulate yourself for your resilience, persistence and success!

P.S. There are at least 14 times in this message that it would have been easier to use the letter that follows ‘J’ in the alphabet. But, I’m pretty sure you got the point!

I was watching Oprah the other day and saw an amazing show.
Oprah has been running a series called ‘The Debt Diet’
for a period of time. Financial experts had advised couples
who are severely in debt and given each a very rigorous
road map to follow in order to pay down their debt and recover
financially. When I saw the first few segments of the show
several months ago, I remember seeing grown men and women
having temper tantrums at the thought of having to give up some
of the things they had been doing that had cost them their
financial health… shopping sprees, expensive hobbies, frivolous
dining out, frequent and unlimited ‘handouts’ to their grown children,
and on and on…When they were first put on their debt diet, they
saw their lives taking a turn for the worse. They simply couldn’t
imagine living without these costly things. They were sure this was
the fast pass to misery.

But today, after some period of time (I don’t know exactly
how long it has been), some of the successful couples are
back on the show and they look physically different. They
look happy and relaxed. Each couple described how they
have not only substantially improved their financial health
but they have turned around strained relationships, discovered
new, cost free interests, spent more time with friends. They
are simply delighted with their results. All aspects of their lives
changed dramatically for the better!

I’ve seen similar things time and again. My clients come to me
to work on one particular change, say find time to take care of
themselves rather than always putting others first or to change
how they react to their boss when they feel stressed or to manage
their time better and, in the process of making that one change, they
experience so many unexpected and delightful benefits. In thinking
about making the change, they anticipate that they will have to give
up too many pleasures or that people will be upset with them if they
change their familiar patterns. They resist making the changes for fear
it will rock the boat. But, those that find the courage and stamina,
experience unexpected results. They discover a passion for something
they didn’t know anything about, they meet some unbelievably great people,
they find a fabulous new job, even though they weren’t looking for one, they
feel more confident and have more intimate conversations with others.
They share stories with a common theme… they had no idea that
making one change in one particular area of their life could have
such a broad and extraordinary impact on their entire lives.

What is the change you want to make and what are you afraid
you’ll have to give up in order to make the change?

You’ll never know the full extent of what you’ll gain if you go through
the process of making the change unless you commit and go for it!