The greatest killer of learning and growing is ‘already knowing’.  Look, we’re smart, we’ve lived long enough to have gotten some experience under our (ever expanding) belts and we’ve got the wrinkles and gray hairs to prove it.  So why is it that with all of that, we’re still trying to prove something to the world?  Still having to put on airs that we’re so smart, that we already know?   I’ve found that the best way to shut down conversation and thus a relationship is to already know.  This is especially true with my kids. For example, when my son tells me something, instead of telling him, I already know, if I put my knowledge aside for a moment, I can be open to hearing what he knows.  If I listen to him, I increase my chances that he’ll listen to me.  If I value his point of view as, just that, his perspective, I come to appreciate that what I know is really only my interpretation and perhaps not the Truth with a capital T.  Even if I disagree, by listening, I’ve gained knowledge of my son, perhaps the thoughts of 16 year old boys in his circle of friends, or throughout town and beyond.  It’s helpful information.  I’ve also modeled for him the habit of listening and considering another’s perspective.  I’ve opened a door to future conversation.  The best way to grow is to enter in to any conversation as if it is the first time you’ve ever discussed the topic.  Be open and curious.  That’s where the real growth begins.

“Willingness to change is a strength, even if it means plunging part of the company into total confusion for a while.” So said Jack Walsh, former CEO of General Electric. And so goes all of our lives as we are plunged into confusion trying to navigate the uncharted waters of today’s economic crisis. This is new terrain for all of us. We are facing untraveled paths, derailed plans,  an uncertain future.  The nature of change is uncertainty, unfamiliarity,  and along with that, some level of discomfort.  Most of us resist those feelings.  When change is as pervasive as it is in today’s world, we have little choice but to accept our discomfort.  Our ability to be with and be in change, to go with the flow, control what we can control and look for the possibilities in it all, will be the difference between whether we suffer or thrive through these times.   As the Serenity prayer reminds us, our success through challenging times comes from our ability to ‘accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference.’  It is helpful to spend time each day, looking at what you can control and focusing your energy on that.  Look for possibility, no matter how small.

What if we lived in a world where we made finding the good in things a habit? 

Last night, after hearing that the stock market had fallen below 7,000 for the first time in over a decade, I tossed and turned about the state of the economy.  I know, not something I can do much about, especially at 3:00 in the morning.  I’ve always prided myself on being financially responsible.  I’ve worked, paid my taxes, put away money for the future so my kids could go to the college of their choice and my husband and I would have a comfortable retirement.  And now, thanks to the irresponsibility of those who are far wealthier than I, all of that is for naught.  My financial habits, which were in line with my values, have been derailed by those whose values are quite different than mine.  And, I’m left in a twist about it.  One of the greatest factors in stress level is the amount of control one feels over his/her circumstances.  The less control, the higher the stress level.  So, while I’m feeling pretty stressed about the state of the overall economy, I’m  trying to find things in my life over which I do have control.  One of those, of course, is my thoughts.  So, here’s my de-stressing thought for today:  Maybe this is the lesson we, as a materialistic society full of greedy people, needs to learn, the 2 x 4 ‘upside the head’ that we need in order to reassess our priorities, return to more moderate lifestyles and restore family values.  Yeah, that feels right (to me).  And, I can continue to teach my children good money values and responsible habits.  Yeah, that’s in my control.  And, I can (even though I would prefer not to have to) find ways to save money without feeling deprived (OK, maybe a little deprived). 

I’d love to hear what how you are responding to the economic crisis and how you are managing your stress (if you are having any) about it.  Please comment!

Some days, you just feel like you can’t get out of your own way.  You’re in a funk.  So, do you surrender to your mood and spend the day feeling unproductive and sorry for yourself or do you dig out of your hole and get on with your great life?   If you want to do the latter, here’s how:

1.  Admit that you feel stuck.  Don’t resist it or beat yourself up about it. 

2.  Remember that feeling stuck and being stuck aren’t the same thing.  Don’t let the feeling run the show. 

3.  Tell yourself that you aren’t your feelings.  Feeling stuck doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck.

4.  Choose one thing to do and get started.  If you aren’t sure how, grab a piece of paper or a trusted friend and start writing or talking through what you want to do and feel stuck about.  Don’t worry about writing or saying the right thing.  Just let it untangle itself through your thoughts and words.

5.  Notice yourself feeling less stuck and being inspired to take action.

6.  Celebrate whatever progress you can make.

7.  Create a new habit of getting yourself unstuck in this way.  After you’ve done it for a while, you’ll begin to unstick yourself faster and faster each time. 

We can choose to talk ourselves into being stuck or into being in action.  What do you choose?