Things I need to do today:

1. Breathe in
2. Breathe out

Ah, if only life were that simple.  But no, we have to go and complicate it.  Should I breathe in through my mouth or my nose?  Should I breathe out through my nose if I breathed in through my mouth?  How many counts should it take me to breathe in?  What if I have bad breath? How do you do that belly breathing thing I learned in yoga?  Is yoga really helping me after all?  Maybe I should stop spending my money on yoga.   And on and on and on.

Fortunately, our autonomic nervous system doesn’t allow these questions to stop us from breathing.  But, often, such self imposed mental anquish does stop us in our tracks.   We are paralyzed into inaction… stuck!

My client Geri, provides a great example.  Geri had been at home raising her 2 children for a long time.  Once they were in school and less dependent on her on a day-to-day basis, she wanted to go back to work.  She had worked in the retail industry for a while before having children and she’d liked it, but she didn’t want to go back to a full time, high pressured job.  So, Geri was exploring some self-employment options.   She was excited about the idea of opening a consignment store in her town.  When Geri created a game plan and wrote out action items for herself, she got really excited.  When she went to take action, she began to feel a bit overwhelmed.  The steps were clear (on paper) and most of them she know how to do, but something kept getting in the way.  She kept overthinking things and getting stuck.  Upon examination, she realized she was scared.  Further exploration uncovered the source of her fears:  although her husband said he was supportive, what if she got too busy to grocery shop and make dinner? what if the kids got sick and needed her?  what if people didn’t bring her items to consign?    what if her friends, who were still at home didn’t include her in their activities anymore?  what if she couldn’t continue to do the volunteer work she enjoyed?  what if she opened the store and nobody came?

Before Geri could move forward with her business, she had to identify her strongest fears, consider the likelihood of their coming to fruition and develop strategies to overcome them if, in fact, she determined they were real enough potential derailers.

Once she had wrestled her fear to the ground, and only then, could she take effective action.  That isn’t to say that Geri didn’t continue to feel some fear and anxiety about the change she was creating, she did.  But she was able to put that fear into perspective and not let it stop her from moving forward anyway.

So, if your inner voice seems to be winning the battle of 20 questions, take these steps and get on with your dreams.

1. Recognize that your questions may be masking some inner fear.  Identify what you are afraid of.

2.  Ask yourself, how likely it is that the fear will be realized.  My colleague, Suzanne Blake, recently shared this acronym: Fear is Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real!

3.  Consider the worst thing that could happen if the fear was realized?  And, if that did happen, what  would be so bad about it?  What might happen next?  And then what?  For example, if Geri couldn’t make dinner everynight, what would happen?  Her husband could make dinner, they could get take out, the kids could share responsibility for preparing some meals, Geri could stock the freezer so there was alway something available, they could eat cereal for dinner once in a while and live to tell about it.  And then what might happen?  They might be a little angry but they’d get over it, they might learn how to cook and be more self sufficient, they might become more appreciative of all that Geri had done for them over the years, they might not even notice.   When you work through a problem, you can cut it down to it’s real size, which is often miniscule.

4.  Determine what one small step can you take to inch (or catapult) yourself forward?  Remember, reaching out and asking for help is often the best action step.  Trying to overcome your fear alone may get you tied up in knots.

It’s as simple as this:

Breathe in

Breathe out

However it works best for you.  No rules, no absolutes, only possibility.

Remember:

“The only thing we have to fear is fear it’self – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”
~ FDR – First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933