I changed my mind and lost 2 pounds.  Changing my mind was all it took.  Because, by changing my mind, I changed my behavior.  I’ve been trying to shake 5 pounds for the past year.  Five measly, pounds.  And, I haven’t been able to do it.   I was obsessed with thoughts of food and it was making me miserable!  Then, one day, I realized that at the very first sense of feeling hungry, I went to the refrigerator and ate something.  Then, when the clock said it was meal time, I ate again, whether I was hungry or not, because, after all, it was mealtime, so I should eat.   I was careful what I ate but I felt as if I was eating all the time.  Again, at dinner time, I wasn’t even hungry, but, the clock said eat so I obeyed.  I realized I wasn’t enjoying the food I was eating at meals because I wasn’t really hungry.  I began noticing how much I hated feeling stuffed in the evening and it was affecting my sleep.  But, as with any change, I had to shift my thinking away from what I didn’t want (the feeling of being full) toward what I did want. I craved the feeling of being hungry.  So, I decided to change how I thought about that feeling and therefore, how I responded to it.  When I first felt a hunger pang mid-morning, I said to myself, “I really like the feeling of being hungry.  I enjoy it because it makes me feel lighter, healthy, energetic, in control.”  So, as I went about my morning, enjoying the lightness, I noticed the sensations of hunger went away.  I just felt ‘normal’.  Neither hungry nor full.  And, I continued being productive.  The next thing I knew, it was mid-day, I had accomplished what I set out to do, and I was genuinely hungry. Now, it really was a reasonable hour to have lunch.  Remembering my positive sense of feeling light, I ate a light healthy, satisfying lunch, which I enjoyed because I was, indeed, hungry for food. Later in the afternoon, when I first felt pangs of hunger, I waited, savoring that feeling of lightness and energy and sure enough, in most cases, the feeling passed and I stayed focused on what I was doing.  If the hunger sensations continued, I had a piece of fruit, but usually, if I took my mind off of it, I was fine.  Again, I could really enjoy my dinner in the evening because I was truly hungry when I sat down to eat it.  And, I could eat pretty much whatever I wanted because I hadn’t been packing in calories all day long.  And, voila, at the end of the week, I had lost 2 pounds and I hadn’t suffered one little bit!!

I came to realize a number of things.  My feeling of hunger, was really the expression of other needs. In some cases, I was bored, other times I was frustrated and needed a distraction, other times I was tired and needed a break from what I was doing, still others I needed human contact or to have a conversation with someone to get some need met.   As I began to recognize the real need I had been addressing with food, I could meet it in healthy, more effective ways.  In addition to losing weight and regaining my sense of control over my eating, I also got a lot more done.  I was amazed to realize how much time I had been wasting focusing on food, thinking about it, finding it, preparing it, eating it, lamenting about having eaten it and on and on!  So, by changing my mind about hunger, I became much more productive. 

Changing my mind led to huge gains and some weight loss.  What could you change your mind about in order to produce great results?

We all have complaints.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  The problem comes when we don’t listen to our complaints, especially those chronic ones and vow to do something to change the situation.  In fact, many of my clients come to me with a general sense that there’s something missing in their lives.  Some have all the things they thought they ever wanted but they still aren’t happy.  Without knowing just what’s missing, it’s hard to know how to find it.  So I ask them to keep track of their complaints.  The responses range from “I’m always complaining that my clothes are too tight”, or “I never have time for myself”, or “I don’t like my job” to I can’t find a daycare solution I’m comfortable with” or even “I’m sick of the rain.”   Once the complaint is identified, we can focus in on making the necessary changes that will eliminate the pain.  So,  what are you complaining about?  And, what are you going to do about it?

Here it is, September 1.  My kids start school tomorrow.  I know Fall doesn’t officially begin until September 21, but the start of school always marks the change of season for me.  Fall is my favorite time of year.  In New England, we welcome warm, dry, clear days and cool, crisp nights, great for sleeping.  I look forward to the structure brought on by the school year as it helps me be more productive.  But the transition from summer to fall, like all change is laden with dichotomies:

• The beautiful dry, clear days and cool nights vs. earlier sunsets and shorter days
• Structure of school schedules vs. ease of a less scheduled summer
• Excited anticipation of the new school year vs. anxiety about the unknown
• Return to school friends vs. separation from summer friends
• Beginning of Fall sports and activities vs. end of structureless summer

All changes that we face are filled with conflicting factors.  The positive pull toward new possibilities that open up as a result of the change, countered by our fear of the unknown, the possibility of not succeeding at first, the questions about what will fill the void of a broken habit, the concern about what others will think.  And the sense of loss of our old friend, the devil we know.

William Bridges, in his extensive writing about transitions tells us that with every new beginning, there is an ending, a little death, which we must acknowledge and grieve.  In fact, he says, change begins, not with the new beginning, but with endings.  We must close the door on what has been before we can fully enter the new phase.  Endings are followed by what Bridges calls the Neutral Zone, that period of time where we are a bit uncertain, everything is new and different and potentially uncomfortable.  Even positive changes, like for me, the beginning of fall, has it’s downsides and causes me to experience a feeling of loss.  So, in order to move on, we must create closure.  We must celebrate what has been.  I do this by acknowledging what has been wonderful about the summer, reviewing the highlights, looking at pictures, sharing stories of our experiences with each other as a family (my kids roll their eyes when I ask them to participate in that one).  We talk about what we are grateful for, what we feel we’ve learned, experienced or accomplished, what we will carry with us into the new season and yes, what we’ll miss as we move on.  For me, the Neutral zone is filled with questions and uncertainty.   I wonder, how will I get everything done in a shorter day?  How will I get dinner on the table at a reasonable hour?  How much homework will the kids have and what’s my role in making sure it gets done?  What does our new routine need to look like?   And, in order to work through this murky period successfully, I create plans, set timetables, ask for help and above all else, am patient with myself.  Because I know that we will successfully settle into a pleasant routine and all of the important things will get done, and we will adjust to our new rhythm and all will be well eventually.

So, maybe your change isn’t about the change of seasons, maybe you want to lose weight.  You’ll experience the same mixed emotions, confusion and then progress.  Maybe you’ll feel an emotional sense of loss fearing that you’ll never be able to eat a piece of chocolate cake again or that you’ll become an obsessive calorie counter.  Or you might worry that you’ll destroy your social life because you won’t be able to go out to dinner with your friends, or you might fear that you just won’t be able to shed those unwanted pounds and resign yourself to a destiny of being overweight.  You’ll need to determine which of your fears are founded and which are only imagined. And you’ll have to put closure on your ‘overweight life’ in order to usher in your new fit one.  In the Neutral Zone,  you may feel confused and uncomfortable, not sure what to do or where to turn.  You might take a step backward before you find your rhythm, get support and begin to experience success.  Then you’ll be on a roll!

Regardless of the change you are initiating or experiencing, remember these things:

1. Changes begin with endings.  Acknowledge what is ending and create closure.
2. Expect to feel some unease initially as you begin to experience your change.  This is the period where most people are tempted to give up and go back to their old ways.  Create a plan to follow, taking baby steps until you get your footing.  Be patient with yourself as you navigate the Neutral Zone. 
3. Enjoy your successful new beginning.