Here it is, September 1.  My kids start school tomorrow.  I know Fall doesn’t officially begin until September 21, but the start of school always marks the change of season for me.  Fall is my favorite time of year.  In New England, we welcome warm, dry, clear days and cool, crisp nights, great for sleeping.  I look forward to the structure brought on by the school year as it helps me be more productive.  But the transition from summer to fall, like all change is laden with dichotomies:

• The beautiful dry, clear days and cool nights vs. earlier sunsets and shorter days
• Structure of school schedules vs. ease of a less scheduled summer
• Excited anticipation of the new school year vs. anxiety about the unknown
• Return to school friends vs. separation from summer friends
• Beginning of Fall sports and activities vs. end of structureless summer

All changes that we face are filled with conflicting factors.  The positive pull toward new possibilities that open up as a result of the change, countered by our fear of the unknown, the possibility of not succeeding at first, the questions about what will fill the void of a broken habit, the concern about what others will think.  And the sense of loss of our old friend, the devil we know.

William Bridges, in his extensive writing about transitions tells us that with every new beginning, there is an ending, a little death, which we must acknowledge and grieve.  In fact, he says, change begins, not with the new beginning, but with endings.  We must close the door on what has been before we can fully enter the new phase.  Endings are followed by what Bridges calls the Neutral Zone, that period of time where we are a bit uncertain, everything is new and different and potentially uncomfortable.  Even positive changes, like for me, the beginning of fall, has it’s downsides and causes me to experience a feeling of loss.  So, in order to move on, we must create closure.  We must celebrate what has been.  I do this by acknowledging what has been wonderful about the summer, reviewing the highlights, looking at pictures, sharing stories of our experiences with each other as a family (my kids roll their eyes when I ask them to participate in that one).  We talk about what we are grateful for, what we feel we’ve learned, experienced or accomplished, what we will carry with us into the new season and yes, what we’ll miss as we move on.  For me, the Neutral zone is filled with questions and uncertainty.   I wonder, how will I get everything done in a shorter day?  How will I get dinner on the table at a reasonable hour?  How much homework will the kids have and what’s my role in making sure it gets done?  What does our new routine need to look like?   And, in order to work through this murky period successfully, I create plans, set timetables, ask for help and above all else, am patient with myself.  Because I know that we will successfully settle into a pleasant routine and all of the important things will get done, and we will adjust to our new rhythm and all will be well eventually.

So, maybe your change isn’t about the change of seasons, maybe you want to lose weight.  You’ll experience the same mixed emotions, confusion and then progress.  Maybe you’ll feel an emotional sense of loss fearing that you’ll never be able to eat a piece of chocolate cake again or that you’ll become an obsessive calorie counter.  Or you might worry that you’ll destroy your social life because you won’t be able to go out to dinner with your friends, or you might fear that you just won’t be able to shed those unwanted pounds and resign yourself to a destiny of being overweight.  You’ll need to determine which of your fears are founded and which are only imagined. And you’ll have to put closure on your ‘overweight life’ in order to usher in your new fit one.  In the Neutral Zone,  you may feel confused and uncomfortable, not sure what to do or where to turn.  You might take a step backward before you find your rhythm, get support and begin to experience success.  Then you’ll be on a roll!

Regardless of the change you are initiating or experiencing, remember these things:

1. Changes begin with endings.  Acknowledge what is ending and create closure.
2. Expect to feel some unease initially as you begin to experience your change.  This is the period where most people are tempted to give up and go back to their old ways.  Create a plan to follow, taking baby steps until you get your footing.  Be patient with yourself as you navigate the Neutral Zone. 
3. Enjoy your successful new beginning.