The following was the “Reflection of the Day” in today’s Boston Globe. 

“The majority prove their worth by keeping busy.  A busy life is the nearest thing to a purposeful life.”

                                                                                                                ~ Eric Hoffer

I couldn’t disagree more.  Oh, I sadly agree that too many of us think our self-worth is based on how busy we are, what we do, how much we produce, the tangible results we get, the amount of money we make, and on and on.  But, in the pursuit of that, we lose our sense of purpose.  We don’t have time or, better said, we don’t make time to do those things that really provide meaning to our lives and those of others.  We are moving so fast and furiously that we don’t do the things that we do in a pursposeful way.  Instead, we do them to get them done, to ‘check the box’, to get on to the next thing.  But if we really get in touch with our passion and our life purpose, we can find ways to do even the mundane in purposeful ways.  I used to really hate folding laundry.  It was just another thing I had to do that got in the way of my doing things I wanted to do.   But, when I thought about it, I realized that folding laundry gave me a wonderful opportunity to slow down, create order out of a chaotic pile of clean clothes and express love for my family by providing this ’service’ for them.  I mean, who doesn’t love having a pile of fresh smelling clean clothes delivered to them?  I actually saw how doing this mundane task was in line with my purpose of providing a loving environment in which my children could grow up.  As they’ve gotten older, I’ve passed the responsibility of folding laundry on to my kids along with the sense of contribution that it makes, rather than a sense of burden. 

Many of my clients are overbooked with volunteer commitments, parenting responsibilities, jobs or job searches, family obligations and community service roles.  When they stop and take inventory, they realize that the things they really enjoy are consistent with their passion and purpose.  Together we find ways for them to walk away from, delegate or make a shift in how they approach those things that are mere burdensome tasks. 

It’s important to be mindful of the many things we do in our lives and be sure that we don’t confuse busy-ness with self worth or purposefulness.  We’re worthy just by virtue of being alive on the planet.  If we measure our worth by how busy we are, we are alway on edge, worrying that we might not be thought well of if we say ‘no’ to something, that we are unworthy if we miss a beat.  That’s purposeful?  Not unless our purpose is to live our lives on a roller coaster until we crash and burn.

Make yourself a cup of tea. Sit back, relax and enjoy. This video is sure to provoke thought and invite change…

Are you leading your life or is your life leading you? Are you on a path to health, happiness and fulfillment? Are you pleased with the way you navigate life’s twists and turns? Or, is it time to redirect the path and head off in a slightly different direction?

Yesterday, I spoke at a wonderful event for women produced by Aspire Magazine called, Love, Light and Laughter.  I had the pleasure of talking to 25 women about overcoming the hurdles to change.  Like all of us, each of them have things they want to change in their lives, some big, some small.  Some of them were really clear about the change they want to make, others just have a nagging sense that something is wrong, out of balance or missing. And each of them face challenges in making the changes they want to make.   

Some of the things that we identified that get in the way of making changes are:

1. Lack of clarity.  We can’t change what we can’t clearly articulate.  Getting clear about the change you want to make may come from listening to your chronic complaints and noticing what they are telling you about what you want to change.
2. Focusing on what you want to move away from.  What we think about expands.  If all we do is think about not eating as much in order to lose weight, we focus on food.  If we focus on getting more exercise or eating fruit, that’s what’s front of mind.  Which one do you think is more helpful?
3. Thinking that it is other people who need to change and that when they do, all will be right with the world.  People do things for their own reasons not for yours.  So, they’ll change when they feel the need, not when you do.  Identify ways you can shift how you respond to others and notice the effect it has on your relationship.
4. Self doubt and negative self-talk.  In our discussion this ran the gamut from “I’ve tried this before and it didn’t work then, it won’t work now” to “I’m not smart enough, don’t have enough money, don’t have enough time, it’s a stupid idea” and beyond.  These are just a few examples of how we set ourselves up to fail before we even begin.
5. Not feeling worthy.  For some in the group, their self-worth was dependent on making the change successfully rather than feeling whole and worthy just the way they are and wanting to make a change.  Others didn’t feel worthy enough to invest money or time on themselves.
6. Concerns about what others will think.  What can I say about that?  I know other people’s approval seems important, but, really, in the scheme of things, who cares what other people think?  Whose life are you living?  And, anyway, maybe they’d think just the opposite of what you fear and admire you for your courage.
7. Conflicting priorities.  Successfully making the change might mean I’d have to give up something else.  If I’m really successful starting my business, I might not have time for my family; if I begin exercising, I’d have to get up really early in the morning to fit it in and I really need my sleep; if I leave my job, I’ll miss the people I work with.  Change often means choosing priorities or… maybe it isn’t an all or nothing proposition.  Before assuming that you’ll lose something, test out the possibilities of having it all!

These are but a few of the learnings we shared at yesterday’s seminar. Do any resonate with you? 

Don’t let your fears, real or imagined stop you from making the changes you want to make.  Go for it!