Yesterday, I spoke at a wonderful event for women produced by Aspire Magazine called, Love, Light and Laughter.  I had the pleasure of talking to 25 women about overcoming the hurdles to change.  Like all of us, each of them have things they want to change in their lives, some big, some small.  Some of them were really clear about the change they want to make, others just have a nagging sense that something is wrong, out of balance or missing. And each of them face challenges in making the changes they want to make.   

Some of the things that we identified that get in the way of making changes are:

1. Lack of clarity.  We can’t change what we can’t clearly articulate.  Getting clear about the change you want to make may come from listening to your chronic complaints and noticing what they are telling you about what you want to change.
2. Focusing on what you want to move away from.  What we think about expands.  If all we do is think about not eating as much in order to lose weight, we focus on food.  If we focus on getting more exercise or eating fruit, that’s what’s front of mind.  Which one do you think is more helpful?
3. Thinking that it is other people who need to change and that when they do, all will be right with the world.  People do things for their own reasons not for yours.  So, they’ll change when they feel the need, not when you do.  Identify ways you can shift how you respond to others and notice the effect it has on your relationship.
4. Self doubt and negative self-talk.  In our discussion this ran the gamut from “I’ve tried this before and it didn’t work then, it won’t work now” to “I’m not smart enough, don’t have enough money, don’t have enough time, it’s a stupid idea” and beyond.  These are just a few examples of how we set ourselves up to fail before we even begin.
5. Not feeling worthy.  For some in the group, their self-worth was dependent on making the change successfully rather than feeling whole and worthy just the way they are and wanting to make a change.  Others didn’t feel worthy enough to invest money or time on themselves.
6. Concerns about what others will think.  What can I say about that?  I know other people’s approval seems important, but, really, in the scheme of things, who cares what other people think?  Whose life are you living?  And, anyway, maybe they’d think just the opposite of what you fear and admire you for your courage.
7. Conflicting priorities.  Successfully making the change might mean I’d have to give up something else.  If I’m really successful starting my business, I might not have time for my family; if I begin exercising, I’d have to get up really early in the morning to fit it in and I really need my sleep; if I leave my job, I’ll miss the people I work with.  Change often means choosing priorities or… maybe it isn’t an all or nothing proposition.  Before assuming that you’ll lose something, test out the possibilities of having it all!

These are but a few of the learnings we shared at yesterday’s seminar. Do any resonate with you? 

Don’t let your fears, real or imagined stop you from making the changes you want to make.  Go for it!