Most of us, if I use my own friends, colleagues and clients as a good indication, place integrity as one of our highest values.  While the word integrity may have slightly different meaning to each of us, in general, it means being consistent with who we really are.  It is often manifests itself keeping promises;  acting on our intentions; being congruent in thoughts, words, and deed.

When a friend or colleague says she will do something, you expect her to deliver on that promise, don’t you?  And, if she  repeatedly fails to deliver, you lose faith and perhaps respect for her, right?  You might say, she’s out of integrity… and you begin to discount her promises in the future saying, ‘she’s not reliable’, ‘I can’t count on her’, ‘I’ve heard this before,’ ‘she’s not a person of her word.’  Your relationship with a person who behaves in this way is diminished.  Think about how you feel about that person:  You begin to feel uncomfortable around her, to blame, judge and criticize her.   You begin to disconnect from her.  These feelings sometimes spread to others with whom she associates (guilt by association).  Lo and behold, you begin to feel isolated.

The same is true of our relationship with ourselves.  When we say we will do something (lose weight, listen to our kids, get organized, etc.) and then consistently fail to do it, we are out of integrity with ourselves.  We begin to judge ourselves, we lose faith in ourselves, we experience a lack of trust in our ability to produce the results we say we want.  We actually feel disconnected from our best selves.  All of these lead to a feeling of discord.

In fact, the dictionary definition of integrity is: the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.  When we consistently disappoint ourselves by not following through on our intentions, we create a state of being fragmented (not whole), weak, out of kilter.

After a while, when we catch ourselves saying, I’m going to (fill in the blank), we don’t even believe ourselves.  It’s just noise, a throw away comment, not to be taken seriously.  We have lost faith in ourselves.  And, interestingly enough, we begin to question the value of the people around us (who would want to be a friend of someone who can’t keep her word to herself?)  And, we begin to feel disconnected and isolated, just as we did when the person who we judged to be out of integrity was someone else.  Being out of integrity with ourselves causes us to experience self-sabotage, pain, anger, judgments, and depression.

To be our best, we must be whole: that is, be responsible for our actions and inactions.  We must act in a way that is consistent with who we say we want to be.  We must be in integrity.

Being in integrity gives us more energy and allows us to achieve our desired results with greater ease.  It allows us to live more powerfully, and to attract reliable, trustworth, supportive inpiring people into our lives.

Take a look at where you are out of integrity with yourself;  where you are not keeping your word to yourself and living in a way that is consistent with your vision of your best self.   Choose one area and begin to repair the damage you have done to your relationship with yourself.  Be a person you can count on to fulfill on your promises to yourself and take responsiblity for your actions!