In 1969, Dr. John Maxwell*, began to dream, about making a difference in the lives of people.  After ten years of following that vision, he thought about whether he was succeeding.  To his surprise, the first thing he discovered was that his dream to help others, also helped him.  Here’s how:

• His dream has helped him to focus. Every time he was distracted from his purpose, his dream kept him on track.
• His dream has helped him to stretch.  Often he wanted to stay in his comfort zone, but his dream required that he step out of it and forced him to grow.
• His dream helped him to sacrifice.  When the price for success got high, his dream encouraged him to pay it, reminding him that there are no shortcuts to success and the payoff was worth it.
• His dream has helped him to persevere.  His commitment to his dream, meant quitting was not an option.
• His dream has helped him to attract winners.  The size of his dream required that he be surrounded by successful, determined, optimistic people and that’s who he attracted.  Small dreams attract small people and big dreams attract big people.
• His dream has helped him to tap into his belief in something larger than himself.   His dream was too big for him alone.  He needed to trust God and the Universe. 

Sometimes the big things that we’re up to feel hard.  They sometimes require a lot of our time, much of which is outside of our comfort zone.  Sometimes, we feel like they require us to give up a lot.  And, when we focus on those aspects, it is easy to become discouraged, exhausted, overwhelmed and disengaged.

But, when we notice that through it all, we are learning, growing, contributing and becoming our best selves, the toil becomes lighter, no longer a burden but a wonderful, well earned gift.  Consider the value of meeting and surrounding yourself with supportive, excited like minded people.  Think of the enormous gift it is to learn to give up trying to control everything and give yourself over to the universe.  Imagine the sense of empowerment coming from your growing faith in yourself!  Envision your sense of accomplishment as you look back at the legacy you have left, the contribution you have made and the sense of peace and pride that follows. 

As I review the BIG things I’ve done in my life, I notice that those that I was successful at, those that I saw threw and really enjoyed, matched Maxwell’s discovery.    I’ve come to notice that the best things I do in my life are things that help me AND others all at once. 

Big ideas and big dreams are bigger than ourselves.   Go for it!!

My son had a big disappointment last week.  He didn’t make the High School baseball team.  He had worked really hard and yet, the message he got was that he wasn’t good enough.  The message really was, your baseball skills are not as good as those of others with whom you were competing for a spot on the team.  But, that’s not what he heard.  Ouch. 

He spent the weekend feeling really sad and angry.  My husband and I encouraged him to get out and connect with others and get busy.  His response, “I don’t feel like it.”  We let him follow his feelings for the day on Saturday and then on Sunday, we had a talk with him.  We tried to explain to him that he isn’t his feelings.  He has feelings.  And, this weekend they were pretty painful.  We tried to show him that we honored his feelings as valid and told him it was OK to feel them.  And, we explained that we can have our feelings and get into action inspite of them!  I explained that there are a lot of days when I don’t feel like going to the gym.  And, I take my feelings, pack them up in the car and go off to the gym anyway.  There are days when I feel like eating 6 pounds of macaroni and cheese, convinced it will make me feel better, and I have a healthy salad instead.  By owning and accepting my feelings and myself for having them I get some relief.  I am not fighting with what is, judging myself or others for whatever has triggered these feelings. Getting into action makes me feel better because it gives me a sense of power over my emotions.   When I take my mind off of the problem and I do something that is good for me or that I really enjoy, I create space for myself to see the possibilities in the world.  It makes me feel powerful over my feelings rather than victim to them. 

By all means, we should have our feelings, own them, honor them, allow them.  Feelings are a big part of us but they do not define us… they are not us.

My recent posts have been a bit from my head.  They’ve had valuable and important tips in them but they’ve been lacking heart and have been a bit impersonal.  So, I’m going to change it up (I am the Change Champion, after all) and share some things about change from a more personal perspective.  I’m going to confess that I am a big chicken!  I have a a huge fear of failure!    And, do you know what I’m afraid will happen if I fail?  I’m afraid I’ll look stupid, incompetent, foolish.  I’m afraid that I’ll lose credibility and that people will lose respect for me.  I’m telling you, this fear sometimes takes my breath away.  It stops me cold.  And then, thank heaven I have an awesome support squad,  someone  says to me, “What’s the worst thing that would happen if you look foolish?”  or  “When you see someone try something new and they don’t succeed, do you judge them negatively?”  And that gets me thinking about how much admire people who are courageous and who try new things.  And, I especially admire them when they aren’t successful the first time and they regroup and keep on going.  And, those thoughts motivate me to forge ahead.  So, now you want to hear something that sounds like a major contradiction?  I’m as afraid of success as I am of failure.  And I think I know why… it’s because if I succeed at something really big, it sets me up for the possibility of failure… I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep it up, sustain the success, keep making it better.  Every time I create something new, I wonder if I’ll be able to do what it takes to keep it going.   Yet, I love the thrill of living on the edge of something new and exciting.  Life is so full of complex parodoxes, conflicting forces, yin and yang.  So, I’m learning to take small steps, be in the moment, enjoy the journey.  I’ve become more realistic about my expectations.  I’ve let go of perfection.  I’ve learned to be more patient with myself.  And, of course, I count on others to keep me grounded.

There would be no butterflies!

                                      Embrace Change!!!!

So many of us try to do things alone, thinking that asking for help or admitting we can’t do it all on our own is a sign of weakness.  But, just the opposite is true.  Assembling a support squad, a number of people who can offer information, inspiration and support to help you during times of change is actually a sign of strength.  When a company decides to make a strategic change, the CEO doesn’t do it alone, why should you?  A good leader gathers great and talented people with experience and expertise in the areas in which he lacks those strengths and together, they create and implement a plan for change.  As the CEO of your life, you should do the same. 

Before you get started making the change you want to make, think about what resources you’ll need, what information and expertise you could benefit from.  Make a list… and write it down.  Now, look at the list and determine who you know who might be able to offer you what you need.  If you can’t match a person with every need, think about who might know someone who knows or has what you need.

When asking for help, be specific about what you need but be open if people offer you something more or something different.  Remember, sometimes we don’t know what we need and so we can’t ask for it.  Even people who can’t offer a specific piece of knowledge or resources can offer inspiration and support.

Don’t even think about getting started without having your support squad lined up!  It’s a sure fire route to failure!  Not only are you more likely to succeed in making a change with the help of others, you’ll have a whole lot more fun too!