My son had a big disappointment last week.  He didn’t make the High School baseball team.  He had worked really hard and yet, the message he got was that he wasn’t good enough.  The message really was, your baseball skills are not as good as those of others with whom you were competing for a spot on the team.  But, that’s not what he heard.  Ouch. 

He spent the weekend feeling really sad and angry.  My husband and I encouraged him to get out and connect with others and get busy.  His response, “I don’t feel like it.”  We let him follow his feelings for the day on Saturday and then on Sunday, we had a talk with him.  We tried to explain to him that he isn’t his feelings.  He has feelings.  And, this weekend they were pretty painful.  We tried to show him that we honored his feelings as valid and told him it was OK to feel them.  And, we explained that we can have our feelings and get into action inspite of them!  I explained that there are a lot of days when I don’t feel like going to the gym.  And, I take my feelings, pack them up in the car and go off to the gym anyway.  There are days when I feel like eating 6 pounds of macaroni and cheese, convinced it will make me feel better, and I have a healthy salad instead.  By owning and accepting my feelings and myself for having them I get some relief.  I am not fighting with what is, judging myself or others for whatever has triggered these feelings. Getting into action makes me feel better because it gives me a sense of power over my emotions.   When I take my mind off of the problem and I do something that is good for me or that I really enjoy, I create space for myself to see the possibilities in the world.  It makes me feel powerful over my feelings rather than victim to them. 

By all means, we should have our feelings, own them, honor them, allow them.  Feelings are a big part of us but they do not define us… they are not us.