I subscribe to a great service called Inspire Me Today .  Each morning, I have an inspiring message in my mailbox from a different luminary, sharing 500 words of brilliance with subscribers.

This morning’s message from poet-philosopher and best selling author Noah benShea was so profound, I had to share it with you.

Noah benShea’s Ten Tips for Tough Times

1. Being broke is not the same as being broken,
losing money is not the same as being lost,
and finding your balance is not something you can do on a balance sheet.

2. Don’t confuse having less with being less,
having more with being more,
or what you have with who you are.

3. Slow down.
What you’re chasing may be trying to catch you.

4. Prayer is a path where there is none.

5. Put your faith and not your fears in charge.

6. God only gave you two arms.
If you’re busy hugging the past you can’t embrace the future.
Don’t let the past kidnap your future.

7. This too shall pass.
Change is the only constant.
In order to take a breath you must release your breath.

8. Do what you can,
but never forget that letting go is very different from giving up.

9. Break the rules that are breaking you.
Tough times don’t require you to be tough on yourself.
Find the courage to suffer happiness.

10. Remember, remember, remember…
Things don’t have to be good for you to be great.

When I talk to clients about taking time for themselves, they say things like, I know I should but… or ya but, who will make dinner?  or I’ll do it as soon as I finish baking brownies for Jimmy’s class party, or some iteration of a story that makes ‘me’ time a mere thought and never a reality.

So what changes do you need to make in order to actually have ‘me’ time?  First and foremost,  you have to change how you view it.  You need to see it as an investment vs. an expense.  And,  you need to schedule it… regularly… before you need it.  When you feel thirsty, you’re already dehydrated, so to avoid dehydration, you should drink water all day long.  Similarly, when you feel like you really need ‘me’ time, it’s already too late.  If you build ‘me’ time into your life, take time for yourself before you are in desperate straits,  you’ll find that you don’t drive yourself to the edge.  In times of high stress, you’ll have reserves to draw from.

Scheduling time for yourself allows you to take time when it works for you around your other obligations and it allows you to schedule other things around your ‘me time.’

Let me give you an example.  I have a client, Kelly,  who had always wanted to take a yoga class.  She joined a gym that offered what she wanted, but she never seemed to get there.  Something always got in the way.  Sound familiar?  I asked her to look at the schedule and choose a class she wanted to go to that was at a time that she was usually the least busy.  Then, I suggested that she put that class in her calendar, like an important appointment.  (An appointment with yourself is an important one!)  I told her that for a month, she was not to allow anything to get in the way of that commitment.  I suggested she think of it this way:  if you had a doctor’s appointment that you had waited months to get and, the morning of the appointment, someone asked you if you could do something for them, what would you say?  Here are some options:  “I’d love to help you out but I won’t be available until 11:00″  or “I wish I could but I have another commitment, have you checked with Jane?”  or simply, “I’m sorry, I can’t.  I have an appointment.  Maybe next time.”  Or, thinking about that same appointment, you wouldn’t get up in the morning and ask yourself if you felt like going.  You have an appointment.  You honor it!  Especially when it is with the most precious person in your life… YOU!

By the end of the month, Kelly’s yoga practice had become a habit.  And, she loved it.  On those rare occasions when something got in the way of her going to class, she made time to practice yoga at home.  The effect carried through to all areas of her life.  She felt more fit, more relaxed, more patient and more productive.  She had invested time in herself and everybody around her benefited!

So, what’s one thing you’d do if you had ‘me’ time?  What are you waiting for?  Get your calendar out and put yourself in there… in ink!

In my last post, I suggested that you think about and determine what you might do to take good care of yourself in order to renew your energy.  Is it a massage?  A weekly meeting with a therapist?  A daily cup of tea? A hike  to the top of a mountain?  Maybe there are several things on your list.

As they say, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.  Now that you know what you want to do, how are you going to make it a reality?

The first thing you have to do is to give yourself permission to take care of yourself.   Tell the truth, now.  When you think about taking time for yourself, what messages do you hear inside your head?  Come on, I know they are there.  Things like, “I don’t have time for that.”  Or “I can’t afford to do that.”  Or, “Good mothers don’t miss their kid’s sports events.”  Or, my husband will get mad if I do that.”  Sound familiar or do you have completely different chatter going on?

Those messages, may be your biggest roadblock.  If you think that you don’t deserve time for yourself, if you believe that you are the only one capable of doing all of the things you do, if you worry about what others will think or how they’ll react, your self talk and worry is holding you back.

To overcome that barrier, ask yourself:

1. Is this really true?
2. How do I know it’s true
3. What are some other possible ‘truths’?
4. So what if it is true?
5. What’s the worst that can happen?
6. Aren’t I worth it?

Still not convinced that you’re worth it and that taking care of yourself will deliver great returns to others in your life?

Take five minutes, grab a pad of paper and a pen and find a quiet space where you can sit comfortably, undisturbed.  Close your eyes and imagine yourself enjoying whatever your preferred self-care experience is.  Really see yourself engaged in the process.  Notice how your whole body feels and sink into those sensations.  Hear the sounds around  you and feel the energy that is flowing in you.   Sit, immersed in that experience for a few minutes.    Then, when you are ready, come back to the ‘reality’ of the room you are in.  Grab your pen and paper and write down what you were doing, how it felt and how you benefited.  Jot down anything else that comes to your mind as a result of your experience.

If you want to have a more permanent image, create a vision board that paints a picture of your unique version of self-care and its benefits.  Make it so vivid and compelling that you can’t resist taking action.

In my next post, I’ll share some tips on how to turn your vision into action by  creating “me-time” so you can actually experience and reap the benefits of your self-care vision!

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One of my favorite TV shows this season is Parenthood which airs on Tuesday nights on NBC.   Parenthood is a dramatic depiction of the lives of 4 adult siblings, living near their parents while raising their own families.  A few weeks ago,  Adam, the oldest brother and go-to guy for the entire family, feels as if he is about to crack and declares, “I don’t have a life. I have a schedule.”  The collective nod of identification from viewers across the country could have caused an earthquake.

Many of us, like Adam,  are  so busy, working in and/or outside our homes,  keeping up with the things we think we have to do, helping the people we feel we have to help, getting to all of the places we are convinced we have to go, lending an ear to all the people we believe we have to listen to, we don’t have time for ourselves.  And the result?  We burn out.  We  become unhealthy, unable to enjoy life and make the contribution we are capable of making.  And though we’re resentful and unhappy but we keep on going, pasting a smile on our face, until, worst case,  we simply collapse.

Why is it so hard to be proactive about your self-care?

There are many reasons.  The first step to taking better care of ourselves is to identify what puts fuel in our tank.  It is different for everyone.  For some, it is 20 minutes of meditation, for others, it’s a week in the wilderness, for still others it’s trip to the mall.  It might be daily exercise, a weekly night out with friends, the list is endless.    Determine what your unique self care needs are and then develop a strategy for building in time for it on a regular basis.

In my next post, I’ll talk more about self-care and transforming a schedule to a life.  Adam, are you reading this?