Ah, change.  Whether they are ‘good’ changes or ‘bad’, they conjure up some dis-ease.

I know because I’m living through one right now, as I do every year at this time.  I’m fortunate to have a beautiful house on the coast of Maine that I escape to every July.  This change of venue and its accompanying change of pace is a wonderful break from my normal, hectic routine.  It is a special kind of self care that leaves me feeling refreshed and renewed.

So, why, then, am I feeling so anxious?  Why am I uncomfortable and stressed, now and for the first few days after I get there?

Because any change means not only the beginning of something new and different, but the ending of something old and familiar.  It means leaving friends I’m used to seeing almost every day, temporarily leaving clients who I enjoy connecting with, and feeling more than a little guilty about it.  It means the end to my routine, as I know it.  It means slowing down, an aspect I welcome but often struggle to be comfortable doing.

Even smokers who quit, experience a sense of loss when they cut off their relationship with cigarettes.  What ends for them?  Their routine of taking ‘smoking breaks’ during the day, their social relationship with other smokers, their comfortable habit of doing something with their hands, the psychological need that was met by smoking, the physical relief of the body’s need for nicotine.  Even though what begins when one quits a self-destructive habit or routine is wonderful, it is difficult to say good-bye to the things they must leave behind.

William Bridges, in his brilliant writing about change and transitions explains that change is the ‘what happens’:  I’m going to Maine.  Transition is how I process the thing that is happening:  my guilt, anxiety, feelings about going away for a month.

He further explains that all successful transitions begin, not with what starts as a result of the change but  with what ends… acknowledging what will cease to be, honoring it, completing it, putting closure on it.  That done, we move into the Neutral zone, the time when the old is done but the new hasn’t yet taken hold.  For me, it is those first few days of vacation when I have not yet connected with my friends near my summer home, haven’t been woven into the tennis rotation and fallen into the comfortable slower routine of life there.  I haven’t unpacked and put away my things, filled the refrigerator with my favorite summer foods.  Things as simple as making the coffee in the morning requires more thought, making a meal in a kitchen that is laid out differently than my kitchen at home  takes a little more concentration and often more time.  This is a time of discomfort, when I sometimes question whether I should have come this year and think maybe I should pack my things back up and head home.

Finally, I can work through that period of uneasiness and settle in to the new beginning.  I can relax and enjoy and be fully present to the wonder of my surroundings, to the restfulness of the new routine and I can begin my vacation in earnest!

It always seems odd that such a great and positive change can cause such angst.  Before I understood change from Bridge’s perspective, it took me longer to make the transition and I beat myself up for feeling as I did, asking myself, “What’s wrong with you that such a positive change can create such negative feelings?”

It’s comforting to know that no matter what the change, whether positive, negative or neutral, these feelings are a ‘normal’, healthy and necessary part of change.