We’ve all heard the phrase: “He who dies with the most toys wins.” We live in a “more” society. We’ve prided ourselves on the fact that each generation has been better off than the one before. In a conversation with a friend recently, he said, “It’s so sad that our kids will be the first generation to not be better off than we are.” Our barometer of better is more and bigger. We supersize everything and feel deprived is we can’t have everything that is out there in the world. But does more stuff bring us more joy? Marcus Buckingham, in his book, Find Your Strongest Life, says no! His research found that while women have made many gains in terms of having more and better jobs, more money, more power inside and outside the home, their subjective assessment of their own happiness has declined.

So is more better? Maybe we’re looking for more of the wrong thing. Instead of striving for more stuff, what many women are striving for more peace, more ‘me’ time, more energy, more meaning in the things they do, more time to give back and to serve others. That’s the ‘more’ that brings them joy.

The women I’ve worked with in my coaching practice and groups echo that feeling. Many aren’t unhappy, but they aren’t experiencing joy.

I recently talked to a group of 18 women who, if you go by outside appearances, look like they have it all… big homes, some have second homes, beautiful children, they drive nice, late model cars, they have all the toys they could want and if they don’t, they have the means to go out and get them. But when I asked them to rate their level of joy on a scale of 1-10, not one of the 18 gave a rating of more than 7.

That was sad and surprising to me. But it was yet another reminder that we need to stop comparing our insides to other people’s outsides. You never really know what’s going on on the other side of their skin. Focus on yourself and what would bring YOU joy!

How do you define joy?
What does joy feel like in your body?
What have you done at any time in your life that has left you with that feeling?
How can you do more of that?

I was in North Carolina last weekend, looking at colleges with my son. That’s a story for another post. While I was there, I was reading “Facts About North Carolina” and I learned that the state motto is Esse Quam Videri. Not being a student of Latin, I had no idea what that meant… Further reading revealed the translation: ‘To Be Rather Than To Seem’. Wow, the whole state of North Carolina subscribes to the belief that it is best to discover your true self and be authentic rather than to live according to others’ expectations and appear other than you are. How cool is that?! Are you Esse Quam Videri in all aspects of your life?

When you are at your best, following your passion, you can light up the world!  Have you found your voice? Are you shining your light and making the difference in the world you’d like to be making?