Making any change requires that you do a lot of small things differently. And, for most of us, doing things differently makes us uncomfortable.  We’d rather do what is predictable and feels comfortable, even if it isn’t getting us the results we want, than step outside our comfort zone.

Think of creating new behaviors like going to the gym to work out.  We have a few choices about how we approach our work out.

1. We can lift a huge amount of weight during our first visit and experience serious injury, which will guarantee that we will have to stay clear of the gym for a long time (Hmmmm.  Is that what I really wanted?)
2. We can lift really low weights stopping before we break a sweat and remain really comfortable but see no progress over time.
3. We can lift a safe but challenging amount of weight, working our muscles until we feel them burn, experiencing a bit of discomfort.  Over time, that weight and number of repetitions becomes more comfortable and we begin to notice our bodies looking more tones and feeling stronger.  We have created a new comfort zone, to be pushed past, if we want to continue our growth.  So, we move on to heavier weights and/or more reps.

Which do you think most people choose?  If you said #2, you were right.  Most people like to be able to say they are doing the ‘right thing’ but don’t like to move outside their comfort zone.  Having ‘checked the box’ for going to the gym, they can feel righteous but they have created a self fulfilling prophecy: “I knew it wouldn’t work.  It’s hopeless.” This is true of exercising, getting out and networking to meet new people, trying new healthy foods, being on time if we are perpetually late, being more assertive, asking for help, you name it, if it’s different, it’s bound to be uncomfortable.   All of these things, require that we use muscles we haven’t dusted off in years.  And using them can cause discomfort both physically and emotionally.

In order to experience success in the change we want to make, we have to be willing to move outside our comfort zone.  Not by making a full 180% turn or working out with 100 pound weights at our first attempt, but by making small changes that stretch us just a bit until we are comfortable at that level and then taking the next step to stretch a bit farther and so on.

How do we build our comfort zone muscle?  Practice making little changes each day.  In order to get in shape for the big change you want to make, just get used to making changes.  Start with ones that aren’t related to your goal for example, take a different route to work, listen to different music in the car, change up what you eat for breakfast or try a new food each week.  Attend a new and  different cultural event,  go see a different kind of movie than you would normally choose.  If you tend to be very quiet in meetings or social events, try speaking up more, or, alternatively, if you are the person who is always participating verbally, hang back,  sit quietly and listen more.

Trying different things in a non-threatening environment wakes up your brain and makes you more open to other changes.  Keep a journal of your reactions as you make these changes and see what you learn about yourself and change.

Do you put all of your toys away before you go to bed?  Yes, I’m talking to you, the mom, the adult.  I’m not   talking to a group of kindergartners.  My question is, when you are finished with something, do you put it away where it belongs before moving on to the next thing or are you perpetually surrounded by clutter?  True confessions:  I fall into the latter category.  I’m a clutter queen.  If you are a neat-nik, I honor, no worship you.  You have created great habits.  I have created some very bad habits.  I work on several projects at a time and jump to the next thing before finishing the first.  I leave piles of my ‘stuff’ all over the place.

And, I have ‘good reasons’ for this.  I’m still a paper person.  I work better with paper content than from reading on the computer so I need to print a lot of things and thus have a lot of  ‘stuff’.   I AM A VERY BUSY PERSON! I don’t have time to clean up my stuff. Everything that I’m doing is extremely important!    And all my good reasons?  Well, they are really nothing more than excuses;  stories I tell myself that make me feel justified in continuing to live in clutter.  My ubiquitous piles drive my husband crazy.  I know this but it isn’t enough to make me change.  The time that I clean up my act is when my mess begins to bother me.  Looking around and seeing piles in every room I enter, eventually, stresses me out. It robs me of joy.  I’m at that stage  now.  It is time to create new, more effective habits so that I can get out of this cycle once and for all.  So, you are my witnesses:  I declare, today, I am going to build my clean up muscle.  I’m going to create new practices that will leave my desk (and every other flat surface in my house) clear of piles, every day.  Yikes.  Did I just go public with that?  Is everyone reading this blog going to hold me accountable for taking action?

I’m having all of the reactions anyone would have when making a public commitment to make a change.  ‘Can I do this?’  ‘Do I really want to do this?’  ‘What if I fail?’  ‘Where do I begin?’

Take a deep breath, make a plan, get into action.

OK, here goes:

1. I will create systems so that I will have a place to put ongoing work that is easy to find
2. I will purge all of my old files to make room for current ones
3. I will create folders for each different project I am working on and clearly mark them for easy retrieval
4. When I am finished working on something, I will put it away before beginning anything else
5. I will ask my husband (oh… this is going to be hard)… to gently remind me when he notices that I am not putting things away.

Why am I doing this?  What’s in it for me to suffer the process?  (Might as well tell it like it is… this feels like torture to me)

1. I feel badly about myself when I am surrounded by clutter
2. I feel joyful and lighter when my space is clear and neat
3. I save an enormous amount of time finding things when I am organized and things are in their place
4. I will feel more confident and in control

What resources do I need?

1. File drawer space
2. File racks for the top of my desk
3. Lots of file folders
4. A marker
5. A system for where to put things

What Support do I need?

1. My family- to remind me
2. My readers/followers-to hold me accountable
3. Advice from friends who are organized (Donna, Jane, Brenda)
4. A professional organizer?

What new thoughts do I have to adopt?

1. My reasons for not putting things away are excuses.
2. I have plenty of time to put things away.

What are my first steps?

1. Visualize my life as an organized person with clean, clear space.
2. Go to Staples to buy file folders
3. Each day for the next week, I will spend 30 minutes purging old files.
4. When the files are purged, I will create new folders and put all of the appropriate papers in them and put them away.
5. I will practice reading more on the screen without printing and file things in an organized way on my computer.

After I deal with my paper clutter, I’ll move on to my computer clutter.  But, one thing at a time.

OK.  I’m off.  I’ll keep you posted and I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Or, if you want to join me by beginning to change one of your vexing habits, jump in.  We can support each other.  Just comment below as often as you like and we’ll all work together!

I just returned from ‘Spark and Hustle‘,  a 3 day conference for women entrepreneurs, put on by Tory Johnson, best knows as the Workplace Contributor on ‘Good Morning America.’  Tory lined up an amazing cast of smart, successful, inspiring speakers to share information and inspiration with about 200 women entrepreneurs.   I left with so many fabulous ideas,  but most importantly, I gained focus and clarity for my coaching business.  And, then, this morning, it was no accident that I heard Johnny Nash’s song, “I Can See Clearly Now” on the radio.   It’s hard to listen to that song  without feeling good. It’s just one of those songs that is uplifting and puts a smile on my face. And, as I listened to it today, it made me think about the importance of seeing clearly when you are trying to make a change. I thought about all of the times when I’ve felt excited about something, optimistic and energized, only to land squarely back in my old stuck place because I hadn’t created a clear path to my destination. Optimism is a necessary start to the change process but it isn’t enough. Seeing clearly is an important theme in change from start to finish. Can you clearly see the rainbow at the end of your efforts? Your vision for what you hope to create? Can you clearly see the reason you are trying to make the change(s) you are trying to make and is that reason motivating? Are you clear about the potential obstacles you will encounter and do you have a solid plan for how you will overcome them? Have you identified the bad feelings that are standing in your way and can you make them all disappear  so you can take positive action? Can you let go of self-doubt, anger, guilt, judgment and turn them around to self-assurance, acceptance, forgiveness and compassion? In the song, the lyrics tell us that the dark clouds have gone away, there’s nothing but blue sky, yet in the video, we see clouds.  When you look around your life, do you  notice what’s good and positive or do you dwell on the lingering clouds?

Clarity is key to successful change. Anything less will keep you stuck!  Go ahead, treat yourself.  Listen again.

In my last post, I talked about the need for clarity in order to consciously choose the actions that will help you reach your goals. Sometimes, though you know it’s time for a change and you aren’t clear exactly what to do to change the situation. You just know that how things are going isn’t what you want. I personally know it’s time for me to make some kind of change when I get tired of listening to myself whine and complain. I literally get to the point where I say to myself, “Shut up and do something about it!” Then I have to give some hard thought to what I’d need to do to get the result I want. Last week, for example, I noticed that I was feeling stressed and angry. I wasn’t exactly sure why, but I knew I had to figure out what to do differently to feel more calm and loving. I visualized how I wanted to feel and noticed what I was doing and how I was being that made me feel calm, relaxed, open and happy. As I pictured this, I got clear about what I needed to do. I needed to ask for help. I had been doing everything around the house for my family. I’d been helping others and my own needs had been left by the wayside resulting in my feeling resentful and burnt out. That sorted out, I could answer the next question, What do I need to do in order to get to that ‘happy’ place? The answer was simple. I needed to make specific requests of the people around me. And, I needed to set some boundaries. First, I needed to feel like I was in partnership with my husband. I needed to tell him how I was feeling and make specific requests of him to do certain things. I needed to require my kids to do some chores around the house. I needed to decline an invitation to an event I really didn’t want to go to. I needed to be willing to be a little uncomfortable doing all of this because, being more than a bit conflict averse, I tend to avoid situations where there might be push-back. I needed to be willing to have others be angry, disappointed, or resistant because I needed to put myself first.

So if you notice yourself not being at the top of your game and ready to change that, imagine what it would look and feel like if you were at your best. Then, create an action plan to clear the path to that place.