Making any change requires that you do a lot of small things differently. And, for most of us, doing things differently makes us uncomfortable.  We’d rather do what is predictable and feels comfortable, even if it isn’t getting us the results we want, than step outside our comfort zone.

Think of creating new behaviors like going to the gym to work out.  We have a few choices about how we approach our work out.

1. We can lift a huge amount of weight during our first visit and experience serious injury, which will guarantee that we will have to stay clear of the gym for a long time (Hmmmm.  Is that what I really wanted?)
2. We can lift really low weights stopping before we break a sweat and remain really comfortable but see no progress over time.
3. We can lift a safe but challenging amount of weight, working our muscles until we feel them burn, experiencing a bit of discomfort.  Over time, that weight and number of repetitions becomes more comfortable and we begin to notice our bodies looking more tones and feeling stronger.  We have created a new comfort zone, to be pushed past, if we want to continue our growth.  So, we move on to heavier weights and/or more reps.

Which do you think most people choose?  If you said #2, you were right.  Most people like to be able to say they are doing the ‘right thing’ but don’t like to move outside their comfort zone.  Having ‘checked the box’ for going to the gym, they can feel righteous but they have created a self fulfilling prophecy: “I knew it wouldn’t work.  It’s hopeless.” This is true of exercising, getting out and networking to meet new people, trying new healthy foods, being on time if we are perpetually late, being more assertive, asking for help, you name it, if it’s different, it’s bound to be uncomfortable.   All of these things, require that we use muscles we haven’t dusted off in years.  And using them can cause discomfort both physically and emotionally.

In order to experience success in the change we want to make, we have to be willing to move outside our comfort zone.  Not by making a full 180% turn or working out with 100 pound weights at our first attempt, but by making small changes that stretch us just a bit until we are comfortable at that level and then taking the next step to stretch a bit farther and so on.

How do we build our comfort zone muscle?  Practice making little changes each day.  In order to get in shape for the big change you want to make, just get used to making changes.  Start with ones that aren’t related to your goal for example, take a different route to work, listen to different music in the car, change up what you eat for breakfast or try a new food each week.  Attend a new and  different cultural event,  go see a different kind of movie than you would normally choose.  If you tend to be very quiet in meetings or social events, try speaking up more, or, alternatively, if you are the person who is always participating verbally, hang back,  sit quietly and listen more.

Trying different things in a non-threatening environment wakes up your brain and makes you more open to other changes.  Keep a journal of your reactions as you make these changes and see what you learn about yourself and change.