I was at a women’s networking group meeting on Tuesday night.  One woman was describing a project she was working on and she proudly told us about a couple of what sounded to me like significant accomplishments.  Then, without taking a breath she said, “BUT I didn’t do…”  Can you hear a sucking sound as you read this?  It’s the sound of the woman sucking the positive energy right out of the room and turning what could have been a cause for celebration into a downer dwelling.  Instead of leaving us with things to feel good about, she took us down the path of gloom and doom.

Another woman was sharing her accomplishments and said, “They were just little things”.  JUST little things? They sounded pretty significant to me!

When we minimize our efforts and our accomplishments, we rob ourselves of the positive momentum we need to keep going.  We give the impression of not valuing what we do.  If we don’t value our work why should others?

Here are some typical  self-defeating things I often hear women say,
“I’m sorry to bother you but could you do me a little favor?”
“This might be a stupid question but…”
“I’m sort of going to try to…”
“I could be wrong but I think…”
“I did the first three things on my to-do list but I didn’t get to the last two.”

The language that we use gives our listeners a sense of what we think of ourselves and it regulates our own personal power and energy.

Notice the difference in energy if the 5 phrases above were said this way:
“Excuse me, do you have a few minutes? I’d like to ask you something.”
“I have a question, …”
“I am going to do _____ by _(date)____.
“I think…”
“I’m proud that I did the first 3 things on my to-do list and I’ll do the last 2 by the end of next week.”

Notice how often you say ‘but’ or ‘just’ or otherwise use language that minimizes your accomplishments and therefore you.  Kick that ‘but’ to the curb and  consciously choose more empowering language.