Remember when you were learning to drive?  You had been riding as a passenger in a car, observing others drive for years so you thought driving was going to be pretty easy, right?  You were clueless about how many moving parts you had to be aware of all at once.  (I know about this because my son just got his license).  When you slid into the driver’s seat for the first time, you realized you didn’t know what to do.  You were overwhelmed.  So, you took one step at a time, thinking about each step along the way:  put the key in the ignition, turn the key, depress the brake, put the car in the appropriate gear, apply pressure to the gas pedal, steer around the turns while at the same time maintaining appropriate pressure on the gas pedal (which is the gas and which is the brake again?), watch for other vehicles and pedestrians.  Each action required careful thought and intense concentration.  At the end of your first few spins around the parking lot or down some quiet street, you were exhausted.  But, getting your license was an important rite of passage and you weren’t giving up.  That little piece of paper and all it represented was worth the pain you had to endure to get it.  Each time you drove, you practiced all of the different things you needed to do and remember, and each time, you had some fits and starts, some potential whip lash moments, near brushes with the phone pole standing oh so close to the right shoulder of the road.  You were by no means ready for your solo run but you were making progress.  You kept practicing and fairly soon, it all came together and you could get from point A to point B without incident.  You had to think about what you were doing but it wasn’t so painful anymore and all of the pieces were becoming more integrated.  With more and more experience, it all came together and one day, you arrived at your destination and realized that you didn’t remember passing any of the landmarks along the way.

What you went through was the normal learning process.  You had followed the Conscious Competence model.*  You began as an Unconscious Incompetent, when you didn’t know what you didn’t know, moved to the Competent Incompetent phase where you became aware of what you didn’t know or weren’t very skilled at doing.  Once you became aware of what you needed to do and how to do it, you were a Conscious Competent, having to pay acute attention to each aspect of the process of driving as you did it.  Finally, the new actions and skills became ingrained and natural and you could do them without thinking… the Unconscious Competent stage.

You’ll go through this same process every time you face a change.  Good to get comfortable with it!  It’s here to stay!
* The origin of the Conscious Competence Model is unknown.

A Christmas Carol is one of my favorite movies.  We have a long standing tradition of watching it as a family during the Christmas season.  Each time I watch it, I notice something I hadn’t noticed before, as if, through the year, someone snuck into the cabinet and added something to enhance the value of an already rich story.  Or, perhaps, more likely, I am not the same person watching it from year to year.  Each year, I am ready to learn a new lesson.

One message carries through consistently.  Change is possible!  No, it isn’t usually as quick or as radical as Ebenezer Scrooge’s.  Charles Dickens didn’t write the script for our lives.  We’re on our own to do that.  But, alas, we can all look at our past, assess our present and design our future. 

For those of you not familiar with the story, here’s a very brief synopsis.  On Christmas eve, Scrooge is visited by his deceased business partner, Jacob Marley.   Marley has come to give Ebenezer a warning.  He (Marley) lived a life of negative habits and attitudes and has paid for his behavior in life by being sentenced to an eternity in Purgatory.  “I wear the chain I forged in life.  I made it link by link, and yard by yard;  I girded it on my own free will and of my own free will I wore it.”  He, (Jacob), has become aware that he made the choice to behave as he did and was 100% responsible for the life that those choices created.  He wants to warn Scrooge to make amends before it is too late for him and he is destined to a similar fate. 

We gain insight into Scrooge as we observe his life through his visits with the Ghost of Christmas Past, The Ghost of Christmas Present and finally, The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.  We observe the behavior that comes out of his negative attitudes and beliefs, his broken relationships, his negative thoughts and assumptions.  We accompany Scrooge to his inevitable future, where he sees his own grave stone and witnesses how others remember him and what they say about him after his death.  It was this frightening experience of his own end and the revelation of his reputation that compel Ebenezer to transform.  

Jacob Marley didn’t learn the lessons of personal empowerment and possibility in life.  These lessons came to him, only after his death.  But, in life,  it is never too late to change and Scrooge ceases the opportunity.   

Based on his experience the previous evening, he awakens on Christmas morning transformed and giddily declares, “I am as light as a feather.  I am as happy a an angel.  I am as merry as a schoolboy.”  He proceeds to begin his new life as a generous, joyous, loving, happy man.

We all have the opportunity to review our past, assess our present and design our future.  Here are some useful questions to ask yourself in order to get started.

1. What are the things I have accomplished in my life and what do I still hope to do? 
2. Am I satisfied with all areas of my life?  What do I want to be doing more of?  Less of?
3. What relationships would I like to improve?
4. In what ways am I living the life of my dreams and where am I settling?
5. What contribution do I want to make to my community and the world?
6. At the end of my life, what do I want people to say about me?  What do I want to do in order for that to be possible?

While year end is a common time to take stock and New Year’s a time we often resolve to change, taking charge of your life and making necessary shifts to live fully can occur any time.  Carpe Diem!

Stuff happens.  People get laid off, relationships end, people move, we miss deadlines, we fail to achieve a goal.  But when these things happen to you,  one thing doesn’t change.  You are still the same lovable, worthy, talented self you were before they occurred.  It can be hard to maintain feeling of high self worth when it feels as if some important aspects of your life are out of control.  But, giving in to the circumstances only causes a greater downward spiral from which it is more difficult to recover.

It’s particularly difficult to stay strong and feel empowered at this time of year.  Here are some ideas on how to enjoy the holidays and help others do the same through the challenge of change.

1. Be kind and gentle to yourself but don’t indulge yourself by dwelling on your feelings.  The difference?  Being kind and gently means, changing your expectations, slowing down a bit, forgiving yourself so that you can move on.  Indulging in your feelings is using them as a reason to stay stuck.
2. Moods are contagious.  Don’t spread your negativism to others.  Spend time with people who are upbeat and positive.  Spread feelings of hope and possibility around.
3. Find positive, affordable ways to create meaning during the holiday.
4. Eliminate holiday habits that you no longer value and enjoy and create new traditions.
5. Volunteer.  Giving to others is an amazing way to get filled up and feel great about yourself.
6. Continue (or begin) to live a healthy lifestyle.  Exercise, eat healthy quantities of nutritious foods, don’t overindulge in alcohol.

Give yourself and your loved ones the greatest gift… your presence.

Many of us face the holiday season with mixed emotions.  We love the idea of the holidays but reality doesn’t always match up with our expectations.  We often end up stressed out and disappointed.

 When I refer to the holiday season, I’m talking about the time leading up to Thanksgiving and continuing until just after the New Year.  It doesn’t matter what religion you are or what your holiday practices are.  That period of time tends to be one that is marked by family visits, high expectations, social pressure, financial stress, over-eating, too much to do and too little time to do it.

Often, as families, we do things out of habit rather than by conscious choice.  We celebrate holidays in the same way year after year, eat the same foods at holiday dinners, put the same decorations in the same spots around the house and entertain the same guests.  While tradition and ritual is great, sometimes it’s good to shake things up.

You can change your holiday experience for yourself and your loved ones by making a conscious decision to do some things differently.  You may not transform your family into something it is not and the holidays may still not look like a Hallmark movie, but you can make some adjustments that will make a big difference for you.

1. Identify the things you love and want to maintain about your holiday habits and traditions.
2. Identify one or two new or different things you’d really like to have be part of your holiday celebration.  Perhaps you want to volunteer somewhere or you want to see a seasonal show. Perhaps you want to do more ‘home-made’, whether it’s food or gifts or decorations.  What is something that would be meaningful for you to do and be stress-less?
3. Imagine just how you want to feel during the holiday season.  Do a visualization to capture the full effect of you living your ideal holiday.  Notice what is present and what is not present.  Write down words and phrases that describe your vision for a fabulous experience and live into it.
4. Discuss ideas for doing things differently with family members to get their ideas and buy in.
5. Be bold. Create new holiday habits that may become rich, long lasting traditions.

Click here for more support on de-stressing the holidays or  view our Holiday Bracelet collection.

I had a number of people write and say the thing they most wanted to change is their habits around finances.  That’s a hot topic now, more than ever before.  And, the truth is, changing our habits around money is the same whether we have a little or a lot and it’s the same process as changing any habit.  In fact, I know many people who have very little money and are very comfortable and relaxed about it and I know others who have a great deal of money and worry they are one-step away from being a bag lady or man.  In many cases, it’s not about the money.  It’s about our beliefs about money, the meaning we bestow on money and how we have historically handled our financial affairs that matter. 

Here are some tips for creating more positive habits around your finances:

1.  Get clear about what you want.  Do you want to be debt free?  Do you want to spend without guilt?  Do you want to save for a particular item, event or time in the future?  If so, how much and by when? 

Many of my clients say they want to be better about money.  That isn’t a clear enough goal to work toward.  What is the specific thing you want to do more of or less of or what is the specific outcome you want to reach?  And, by when do you want to reach your goal.  Remember to be realistic.  Money issues seldom go away over night.

2.  Identify what you are doing now that is preventing you from reaching your goal.  Come on, come clean.  What are your current beliefs and behaviors that are causing you to be dissatisfied with your current financial situation or relationship to your finances?

3.  Identify the specific behaviors and beliefs you want to start doing and make your new habits.  You may not know the answer to this question yet.  That’s Ok.  If you don’t know the answer to any question, the first step is to learn.  So, you might want to read books or articles on improving your financial situation.  You can find them in magazines, on the internet or your local library. Or you may want to talk with an expert.  If you don’t have a financial planner or an accountant, ask a friend you trust who he/she uses.  You don’t have to hire the person, at least not right away.  You just need to spend some time talking with him/her to learn what is required to be financially responsible.  Then determine which of the things you are already doing well and what you need to do or do differently.

4.  Create a vivid mental image of what it will look like and feel like when you are successfully managing your financial affairs.  I don’t mean that you are dripping in wealth, I mean that you are practicing the habits required of fiscal responsibility.  Picture how you handle money, the choices you make and how you feel about them.  Create a vision board to remind you of your intention.

5.  Each time you have a decision to make about money, ask yourself, “Does this action support my goal?” or “How will I feel tomorrow if I make this choice today?”  Make your spending and saving decisions consciously.

6.  Remember that changing your financial habits takes time and discipline.  Be patient with yourself and acknowledge yourself each time you make a choice that supports your desired outcome.