Many of us face the holiday season with mixed emotions.  We love the idea of the holidays but reality doesn’t always match up with our expectations.  We often end up stressed out and disappointed.

 When I refer to the holiday season, I’m talking about the time leading up to Thanksgiving and continuing until just after the New Year.  It doesn’t matter what religion you are or what your holiday practices are.  That period of time tends to be one that is marked by family visits, high expectations, social pressure, financial stress, over-eating, too much to do and too little time to do it.

Often, as families, we do things out of habit rather than by conscious choice.  We celebrate holidays in the same way year after year, eat the same foods at holiday dinners, put the same decorations in the same spots around the house and entertain the same guests.  While tradition and ritual is great, sometimes it’s good to shake things up.

You can change your holiday experience for yourself and your loved ones by making a conscious decision to do some things differently.  You may not transform your family into something it is not and the holidays may still not look like a Hallmark movie, but you can make some adjustments that will make a big difference for you.

1. Identify the things you love and want to maintain about your holiday habits and traditions.
2. Identify one or two new or different things you’d really like to have be part of your holiday celebration.  Perhaps you want to volunteer somewhere or you want to see a seasonal show. Perhaps you want to do more ‘home-made’, whether it’s food or gifts or decorations.  What is something that would be meaningful for you to do and be stress-less?
3. Imagine just how you want to feel during the holiday season.  Do a visualization to capture the full effect of you living your ideal holiday.  Notice what is present and what is not present.  Write down words and phrases that describe your vision for a fabulous experience and live into it.
4. Discuss ideas for doing things differently with family members to get their ideas and buy in.
5. Be bold. Create new holiday habits that may become rich, long lasting traditions.

Click here for more support on de-stressing the holidays or  view our Holiday Bracelet collection.

I had a number of people write and say the thing they most wanted to change is their habits around finances.  That’s a hot topic now, more than ever before.  And, the truth is, changing our habits around money is the same whether we have a little or a lot and it’s the same process as changing any habit.  In fact, I know many people who have very little money and are very comfortable and relaxed about it and I know others who have a great deal of money and worry they are one-step away from being a bag lady or man.  In many cases, it’s not about the money.  It’s about our beliefs about money, the meaning we bestow on money and how we have historically handled our financial affairs that matter. 

Here are some tips for creating more positive habits around your finances:

1.  Get clear about what you want.  Do you want to be debt free?  Do you want to spend without guilt?  Do you want to save for a particular item, event or time in the future?  If so, how much and by when? 

Many of my clients say they want to be better about money.  That isn’t a clear enough goal to work toward.  What is the specific thing you want to do more of or less of or what is the specific outcome you want to reach?  And, by when do you want to reach your goal.  Remember to be realistic.  Money issues seldom go away over night.

2.  Identify what you are doing now that is preventing you from reaching your goal.  Come on, come clean.  What are your current beliefs and behaviors that are causing you to be dissatisfied with your current financial situation or relationship to your finances?

3.  Identify the specific behaviors and beliefs you want to start doing and make your new habits.  You may not know the answer to this question yet.  That’s Ok.  If you don’t know the answer to any question, the first step is to learn.  So, you might want to read books or articles on improving your financial situation.  You can find them in magazines, on the internet or your local library. Or you may want to talk with an expert.  If you don’t have a financial planner or an accountant, ask a friend you trust who he/she uses.  You don’t have to hire the person, at least not right away.  You just need to spend some time talking with him/her to learn what is required to be financially responsible.  Then determine which of the things you are already doing well and what you need to do or do differently.

4.  Create a vivid mental image of what it will look like and feel like when you are successfully managing your financial affairs.  I don’t mean that you are dripping in wealth, I mean that you are practicing the habits required of fiscal responsibility.  Picture how you handle money, the choices you make and how you feel about them.  Create a vision board to remind you of your intention.

5.  Each time you have a decision to make about money, ask yourself, “Does this action support my goal?” or “How will I feel tomorrow if I make this choice today?”  Make your spending and saving decisions consciously.

6.  Remember that changing your financial habits takes time and discipline.  Be patient with yourself and acknowledge yourself each time you make a choice that supports your desired outcome.

We are creature of habit and routine. When we have a job, we have a built in routine.  We know just when to get up in the morning, how much time we have to get ready, when we need to leave to get to work at a specific time, when we can get to the gym, when to go to bed and what to do pretty much every minute in between.  Without a job to go to, that routine no longer exists.  Perhaps, when you first lost your job, you thought you’d take the opportunity to catch up on some projects around that house that you hadn’t had a chance to tackle.  Or, you thought you’d get some reading done.  But, now that you have all the time in the world, you don’t seem to know how to best use it.  You know the saying, ‘If you want something done, ask a busy person.”  Sometimes, the more we have to do, the more efficient we are.  Or, maybe you think you should be spending 40 hours a week working on your job search and you find yourself sitting by the phone or computer waiting for responses to the inquiries you have sent out.  Whatever your situation, I suspect your feeling a little like a fish out of water, not sure just how to make the best use of your time.

Here are some tips that might help:

1. Establish a routine:  Get up and dressed at the same time every day, just as you did to go to work.
2. Deal with your emotions.  Accept and resolve them.  You are not your feelings.  People want to see you as positive/can do/eager not depressed, angry, tired.
3. Make a list of  all the things you need and want to do.  Include non job search related activities as well as those pertaining to your search.
4. Create a schedule for yourself.  Include job search activities and personal activities.  Honor the schedule.   Consider your unique energy patterns:  do high energy tasks when you are high energy, etc.
5. Apportion your time relative to the value of the task.  (Most people get jobs through networking…spend more time on networking activities than other methods)
6. Manage interruptions. Set boundaries with your spouse, kids, friends, etc.  Now that you’re home, everyone thinks you’re available.  Clarify with others when you need to be left alone and when you will be available. 
7. Create efficient space for job search activities: A quiet corner of a room, a desk, files, phone.
8. Keep files organized so that you can locate information easily and you aren’t stressed by clutter.
9. Avoid multitasking.  Work on one thing until you’re done before going on to the next.  Don’t allow things like checking email or a visit to the refrigerator to distract you from what you are supposed to be doing.
10. Time on task can be scheduled according to amount of time spent or completion of a task.  For example: I’m going to spend one hour researching companies on the internet or, I’m going to research these 5 companies on the internet, no matter how long it takes; or I’m going to work on my resume for 1 hour or I’m going to work on my resume until I’ve completed a solid first draft. Either way is fine.  Just define it.
11. Keep an ongoing follow up list.  Tasks that still need to be completed.  People you need to contact.  Next steps.  Check things off as you complete them.
12. Replenish your energy.  At work, you got satisfaction from the completion of tasks, interactions with others, etc. Create ways to get positive energy and feedback. 
13. Take good care of yourself.  Exercise, eat healthy foods, socialize, get plenty of rest.  It’s important that you take time for yourself.  A job search is a demanding undertaking.
14. Job search requires many, many micro steps.  Give yourself credit for all of them, not just job interviews. 

In other words, use the same time management habits that helped you be effective in your job in your current task to find opportunities for the next phase of your life.

Have you ever had one of those days when you were ’supposed’ to do something and you just didn’t feel like it?  Like blogging for example (oops, did I say that out loud?)  So, I’ve been thinking all day that I should write a blog post and then, I’ve conveniently found something else to do.  Some of the things I’ve distracted myself with have been important and productive, others, not so much like eating again, checking my email for the zillionth time and cleaning the bathroom.  You know I’m desparate when I clean the bathroom.  Even as I’m writing this, I’m finding ways to avoid the subject.  Or am I?   Actually no.  Because one way to make writing easier for those of us who sometimes resist it is to make writing a habit.  What’s that mean?  It means that even when you don’t feel like it, even when you don’t know where to begin, even when it feels like a chore or that there’s something better to do, you do it anyway!  On a schedule, like clock work, no matter what, no kidding.  Just like you’d do anything else you were trying to make a new habit, like exercising, drinking a glass of water instead of smoking or biting your fingernails, washing the dishes instead of leaving them in the sink, putting things away after you’ve finished using them.  You’ve got to ‘just do it’, to borrow a phrase from Nike.  And the more you do it, the easier it gets and the easier it gets the more fun it is and the more fun it is, the better you get at it and before you know it, you do it without thinking about it or at least, without the struggle.  Before you know it, you can’t imagine yourself NOT doing it.   Before you know it, it has become a habit!  See you tomorrow.