Do you put all of your toys away before you go to bed?  Yes, I’m talking to you, the mom, the adult.  I’m not   talking to a group of kindergartners.  My question is, when you are finished with something, do you put it away where it belongs before moving on to the next thing or are you perpetually surrounded by clutter?  True confessions:  I fall into the latter category.  I’m a clutter queen.  If you are a neat-nik, I honor, no worship you.  You have created great habits.  I have created some very bad habits.  I work on several projects at a time and jump to the next thing before finishing the first.  I leave piles of my ‘stuff’ all over the place.

And, I have ‘good reasons’ for this.  I’m still a paper person.  I work better with paper content than from reading on the computer so I need to print a lot of things and thus have a lot of  ‘stuff’.   I AM A VERY BUSY PERSON! I don’t have time to clean up my stuff. Everything that I’m doing is extremely important!    And all my good reasons?  Well, they are really nothing more than excuses;  stories I tell myself that make me feel justified in continuing to live in clutter.  My ubiquitous piles drive my husband crazy.  I know this but it isn’t enough to make me change.  The time that I clean up my act is when my mess begins to bother me.  Looking around and seeing piles in every room I enter, eventually, stresses me out. It robs me of joy.  I’m at that stage  now.  It is time to create new, more effective habits so that I can get out of this cycle once and for all.  So, you are my witnesses:  I declare, today, I am going to build my clean up muscle.  I’m going to create new practices that will leave my desk (and every other flat surface in my house) clear of piles, every day.  Yikes.  Did I just go public with that?  Is everyone reading this blog going to hold me accountable for taking action?

I’m having all of the reactions anyone would have when making a public commitment to make a change.  ‘Can I do this?’  ‘Do I really want to do this?’  ‘What if I fail?’  ‘Where do I begin?’

Take a deep breath, make a plan, get into action.

OK, here goes:

1. I will create systems so that I will have a place to put ongoing work that is easy to find
2. I will purge all of my old files to make room for current ones
3. I will create folders for each different project I am working on and clearly mark them for easy retrieval
4. When I am finished working on something, I will put it away before beginning anything else
5. I will ask my husband (oh… this is going to be hard)… to gently remind me when he notices that I am not putting things away.

Why am I doing this?  What’s in it for me to suffer the process?  (Might as well tell it like it is… this feels like torture to me)

1. I feel badly about myself when I am surrounded by clutter
2. I feel joyful and lighter when my space is clear and neat
3. I save an enormous amount of time finding things when I am organized and things are in their place
4. I will feel more confident and in control

What resources do I need?

1. File drawer space
2. File racks for the top of my desk
3. Lots of file folders
4. A marker
5. A system for where to put things

What Support do I need?

1. My family- to remind me
2. My readers/followers-to hold me accountable
3. Advice from friends who are organized (Donna, Jane, Brenda)
4. A professional organizer?

What new thoughts do I have to adopt?

1. My reasons for not putting things away are excuses.
2. I have plenty of time to put things away.

What are my first steps?

1. Visualize my life as an organized person with clean, clear space.
2. Go to Staples to buy file folders
3. Each day for the next week, I will spend 30 minutes purging old files.
4. When the files are purged, I will create new folders and put all of the appropriate papers in them and put them away.
5. I will practice reading more on the screen without printing and file things in an organized way on my computer.

After I deal with my paper clutter, I’ll move on to my computer clutter.  But, one thing at a time.

OK.  I’m off.  I’ll keep you posted and I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Or, if you want to join me by beginning to change one of your vexing habits, jump in.  We can support each other.  Just comment below as often as you like and we’ll all work together!

I just returned from ‘Spark and Hustle‘,  a 3 day conference for women entrepreneurs, put on by Tory Johnson, best knows as the Workplace Contributor on ‘Good Morning America.’  Tory lined up an amazing cast of smart, successful, inspiring speakers to share information and inspiration with about 200 women entrepreneurs.   I left with so many fabulous ideas,  but most importantly, I gained focus and clarity for my coaching business.  And, then, this morning, it was no accident that I heard Johnny Nash’s song, “I Can See Clearly Now” on the radio.   It’s hard to listen to that song  without feeling good. It’s just one of those songs that is uplifting and puts a smile on my face. And, as I listened to it today, it made me think about the importance of seeing clearly when you are trying to make a change. I thought about all of the times when I’ve felt excited about something, optimistic and energized, only to land squarely back in my old stuck place because I hadn’t created a clear path to my destination. Optimism is a necessary start to the change process but it isn’t enough. Seeing clearly is an important theme in change from start to finish. Can you clearly see the rainbow at the end of your efforts? Your vision for what you hope to create? Can you clearly see the reason you are trying to make the change(s) you are trying to make and is that reason motivating? Are you clear about the potential obstacles you will encounter and do you have a solid plan for how you will overcome them? Have you identified the bad feelings that are standing in your way and can you make them all disappear  so you can take positive action? Can you let go of self-doubt, anger, guilt, judgment and turn them around to self-assurance, acceptance, forgiveness and compassion? In the song, the lyrics tell us that the dark clouds have gone away, there’s nothing but blue sky, yet in the video, we see clouds.  When you look around your life, do you  notice what’s good and positive or do you dwell on the lingering clouds?

Clarity is key to successful change. Anything less will keep you stuck!  Go ahead, treat yourself.  Listen again.

Our negative thoughts are often excuses that serve as safety nets for  not doing things that are outside of our comfort zone.  Take for example me… and writing…  I have all sorts of stories in my head that I can’t write well, I have nothing interesting to say…in fact, as I’m writing this, I’m saying to myself “there are people who are nodding their head in agreement about those two statements.”

How motivating is that thought?  Makes me want to go make lunch, surf the web, walk on hot coals!  But, that would just lead to more self-deprecation, because,  at the end of the day, this blog post wouldn’t be written and then I’d really have a reason to beat myself up.  I could easily add that lack of completion to my catalog of stories about my ineptitude.   Ah, but enough about me… back to my point…

If we let our internal trash talk run us, we don’t get much done.
So, how do we excavate our mental garbage so we can find a clear
open space in which to create success?

Here are some ideas:

• Give up the notion that everything has to be perfect.
• Accept that everyone won’t love what you do or say.
• Reach out to your fans for support, encouragement, and a way to tap into your mental juice.
• Get started!  That’s often the biggest hurdle.
• Set small goals… I’m going to write for 15 minutes.  Then I give myself permission to stop if I still want to (chances are, I’ll be on a roll by then and I’ll keep going-as per the previous bullet).
• Develop bullet points to get yourself organized and create light posts to illuminate your path.
• Fill in the bullet points with more information or action items- individual bricks  make up the path and  give you a sense of measurable progress.
• Acknowledge yourself for each step that you take.
• Keep going, remembering not to strive for perfection. (You’ll get closer to it if you aren’t being a real-time critic—that will just send you in circles.)
• Continually start, do, stop, acknowledge, repeat!
• Take note of what works to get you unstuck.
• Remember this formula the next time your mental garbage gets in the way.

Now you have an excavation plan.  You’ll depend on it heavily for a
while.  And, soon, just like the Google map you rely on the first few
times you drive to a new, unfamiliar destination, you won’t need it
anymore.  Your well traveled path to success will be second nature.

Do you have aspirations that you never go after because you lack the confidence to take action? 
Here are 5 simple tips for how to build your confidence:
   1.  Make it a habit to see the glass half full.  When you have a disappointing experience, write down at least 2 things that are good about it.  It might include what you learned, what didn’t happen that might of happened (someone could have been seriously hurt but fortunately, they weren’t), who you met, what unexpected good thing came out of the situation.
   2.  Play up.  Tennis players play their best games when their opponents are better then they are.  It makes them bring their ‘A’ game.  Can’t get in the game?  That’s OK.  Be the water boy.  Surround yourself with positive, active go-getters.  Positive energy is contagious.  Watch, learn and absorb the energy.  Avoid people who bring you down or who join in your pity party. 
   3.  Take some small action toward your goal.  Each tiny step moves you forward and gives you a sense of empowerment.  Acknowledge every inch you take.  Pretty soon, you’ll have run the mile, and then the marathon.
   4.  Stop comparing your insides to other people’s outsides. Not every-thing is as it appears.  You’re not so different from anyone else.  Even the most confident appearing people have fears and concerns.  Others who are looking at you would probably be surprised to hear you have self doubts.

   5.  Fake it ‘til you make it.  Imagine what a really confident person would do and do it.  Before you know it, you’ll be that self-assured person.

Is food your medication of choice?  Or shopping?  Or drinking?  It may be no wonder if you said yes.  Many of us were conditioned at an early age to use some external action to soothe our hurt feelings, our sadness, our boredom or to celebrate our successes.  For example, as a child, when you were upset, did your mother suggest you sit down and have some cookies to make you feel better?  After a victory on the soccer field, did the coach treat the team to ice cream to celebrate the win?  After a bad day, did your parents come home and declare, “What a day.  I need a drink”?  When you were feeling stressed and busy, maybe a little overwhelmed, did one or the other of your parents say something like, “oh honey, don’t worry about cleaning your room right now.  Go ahead out and play.  You can clean up later.”  Or maybe life’s disappointments were soothed with a shopping spree.   If you saw your own childhood experiences pass before your eyes as you read this, it may be no wonder that today, as an adult, you turn to food or alcohol or something shiny and new for comfort or celebration or that you have other ineffective habits in your saddlebag.  You are just doing what you learned.  And, you probably haven’t given it much thought until now.

When you are trying to make a change, it is important to uncover the root of the behavior you are currently doing so that you can untie the knot that links certain life experiences with ineffective ‘cures.’  An event triggers an emotional response which begs for a behavior.  When we can understand that chain, we can unhook the parts and change the behavior.  So, the next time you find yourself automatically engaging in your go-to behavior (eating, drinking, shopping, procrastinating, etc.), stop.  Ask yourself, “do I really want to do this or am I doing it to soothe an uncomfortable emotion?”  If you discover that it is the latter, choose a different, healthier response, or, just be with the feelings.  You’ll find that you can survive the dis-ease and, you can actually make yourself feel better by making a positive, healthy choice.  It may be difficult at first, but, after a few successful repetitions, you’ll be on your way to a new, more empowering habit.