Christmas is over and it’s time to get back to business. I’m finding that to be easier said than done.
It is amazing how quickly I can get out of the habit of getting up, going to the gym, taking the dog for a walk and sitting down to work. Like many, I spent a tremendous amount of time and energy ‘producing’ a wonderful and memorable Christmas for my friends and family. And, as I do every year, I find it hard to get back into the regular routine of my life. My sleep habits are out of whack, my house is a mess, my kids are home from school, I’m out of practice in terms of maintaining some semblance of work discipline and schedule. I can’t decide whether to give myself a break about it or to beat myself up about it and make myself wrong.

But, here’s the good news. I know I have a choice. I can decide how to respond to my actions. I can choose my thoughts about it and therefore, my feelings. I don’t have to surrender to a default reaction. I’m not a victim . I can choose whether I want to feel good or bad, based on my thoughts about what I’m doing or not doing and I can choose to take action that is consistent with the feelings I want to have.

For example, when I noticed that I was feeling guilty about not working and resentful that I should be, I decided to change how I was thinking, knowing that would change how I felt. I realized that I wanted to do some work and I also wanted to spend some time doing things with my kids and take care of some household business, and extend the holiday spirit. I gave myself permission to do all of this and I created a schedule for myself. I chose to sit down, (with Pandora playing on my new IPad in the background), to write this blog post. I could have taken a different route. I could have suffered, felt badly, been guilty. Or, I could have been resentful that I had to switch gears and end the holiday feeling and return to ‘the grind’. With those feelings as a backdrop, I probably wouldn’t have been very productive or creative.

I also decided to take this ‘tween time (the week between Christmas and New Year’s) to do things I don’t have time to do when I am in my usual routine. I’m going to tackle some closets and the mess in the basement. I’m going to purge some old files. I know that these actions will have a carthartic effect: Clear the clutter, clear the mind. Now, that’s an exciting prospect! Let me at it!

Notice your feelings, decide if they are the ones you want to have and if not, choose a different response to your circumstances and get into gear, fully embracing whatever choice you make. Just know it’s a choice and you have the power to make it.

You’re hungry. You decide to try out the new restaurant that just opened in town. You walk in, sit down and open the menu. It says:

MENU 

Breakfast:

Food

Lunch:

More food

Dinner:

Lots of food

That’s all.  Just  food.  Not  Hungry Jack Buttermilk Pancakes with a side of bacon, Not 4 cheese mac ‘n’ cheese with pancetta, Not grilled pork chops with applesauce glaze and a side of spicy fries. Just food, more food and lots of food.

What would you do?

Here are some options:

A. You could go ahead and order food and hope that you liked what you got and it left you feeling satisfied.

B. You could leave without eating.

C. You could ask for the specific food you’d like.

That scenario is similar to what I hear people doing when they want to make a change in their lives. They declare their desire for change (hunger) and then get into action (food).

The ones who choose option A, take what they get. And when they are part way down their path, they stop short and say… “am I getting where I want to go with this? I’m making changes but it doesn’t seem to be making me any happier. Why bother?” And, they abandon the effort.

Others who take option B say, “I know I want something to be different but I don’t know exactly what change I want to make so I’ll just keep doing what I’ve always done. I’ll be ok”, and they walk away from change before they even get started.

And those who go for option c clarify the specific change they want to make and then get into effective action.

Option C is the only option that puts you in the driver’s seat of personal change.

What’s the specific change you want to make in your life in order to be healthier, happier and more fulfilled? How do you want to feel physically, emotionally and spiritually as a result of the change?

Last Saturday, my husband and 13 of his contemporaries played a game of touch football. While there were no major injuries sustained on the field, all felt significant aches and pains for several days following the game. These guys are no spring chickens anymore and, while most appear to be fairly fit, they hadn’t used the muscles used in their football foray in a very long time. Each spent Sunday ‘ooh-ing’ and ‘ah-ing’ at every move as they alternated between heating pads and ice packs in an effort to relieve their pain. None of the guys regretted having played. They had been in the company of comrades, cheering and being cheered, strutting their stuff and having a blast. So the discomfort they were dealing with was the kind of pain that feels good–reminding them they’d really pushed themselves and been ‘in the game.’ The fun they’d had was well worth the price they had to pay.

This reminds me of the process we go through when we’re making a change in our lives. When we begin to do things differently, we exercise muscles that we aren’t accustomed to using. Those muscles have always been a part of us, they’ve just laid dormant until now. And, as with physical activity, it takes a little more effort to do new things than it does to keep doing what we’ve always done. It might feel a bit painful to be acutely conscious of our actions so that we don’t fall back into old habits. Our new way of being and doing may take us out of our comfort zone, making us uneasy. But, when we are successful and the change we make brings us the outcome we had hoped for (greater health, richer relationships, less stress, more satisfaction) the effort and yes, the pain is worth it. Oh yeah, Baby, make it hurt so good!

I don’t know if the men’s football game will become regular practice but I can be sure that the more often the guys play, and the more practiced we become at making changes, the easier it will become!

When I think of the word integrity, I think of being true to your word.  So my question, quite simply is, do you do what you say you will do when you say you will do it for yourself as well as for others?  Random House Dictionary  says integrity is ‘the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.’

When we are not true to our word, when we make promises that we do not keep, we are often ‘haunted’ by the black cloud of guilt, fear, embarrassment and more.  We are then, less than whole in the present moment, as a part of us is occupied with these feelings.

We tend to be better at being in integrity around commitments to others than those promises we make to ourselves.  This difference in standards  causes us not to be whole, to be fragmented.

Consider this:  You say to yourself, “I’m going to change my eating habits and have only one helping of food at each meal.  No more seconds.”  You find yourself really enjoying a dish that a friend cooked and thinking, “Oh, what can it hurt, I’ll start my ‘one serving’ routine tomorrow.  Besides, I don’t want to hurt her feelings”  You then leave the table feeling stuffed and remorseful, beating yourself up for not living up to your intention.  Or,

You tell yourself you are not going to lose your temper and scream at the kids (or your boss) and then you realize mid-explosion, that you are doing just what you vowed not to do.  You toss and turn all night thinking about how badly you feel and wishing you could take back your words and your actions.  You worry that it is destroying your relationships.

You commit to walking two miles, 3 days a week.  While you are getting ready to go one morning, you get a phone call from a friend.  By the time you get off the phone 30 minutes later, you don’t have time for your walk because you have another appointment so you blow it off.  You know you never would have done this if someone had been waiting for you to exercise.  You feel frustrated and logy all day.

The list of examples goes on and on.

So how do you stay in integrity and follow through on your commitments to yourself as you do with commitments to others?

1. Write your intention down.  Nothing like seeing it in black and white to make it real!
2. Schedule your commitment into your calendar.  Actually block out time, as if it is important because it is!  If it is an action, schedule the action, if it is a change in how you respond, schedule time to prepare yourself for the interaction.
3. Share your commitment with a friend, family member or colleague.  Ask him/her/them to help you stay on track.
4. Find a buddy to take action with you, if appropriate.  You’re more apt to stay on track if someone else is counting on you and, you’ll have more fun.
5. Use a New Leaf Touchstone bracelet or Pocket stone to remind you of your intention.
6. Notice the difference between how you feel both mentally and physically when you are in integrity with yourself vs. when you are not.
7. Acknowledge the benefits of doing what you said you  were going to do.  If there are no benefits, find another action that will reap more rewards.

Being in integrity is not only the right thing to do, it’s an empowering act and a huge step in making the changes you want to make in becoming your whole, best self.

When I talk to clients about taking time for themselves, they say things like, I know I should but… or ya but, who will make dinner?  or I’ll do it as soon as I finish baking brownies for Jimmy’s class party, or some iteration of a story that makes ‘me’ time a mere thought and never a reality.

So what changes do you need to make in order to actually have ‘me’ time?  First and foremost,  you have to change how you view it.  You need to see it as an investment vs. an expense.  And,  you need to schedule it… regularly… before you need it.  When you feel thirsty, you’re already dehydrated, so to avoid dehydration, you should drink water all day long.  Similarly, when you feel like you really need ‘me’ time, it’s already too late.  If you build ‘me’ time into your life, take time for yourself before you are in desperate straits,  you’ll find that you don’t drive yourself to the edge.  In times of high stress, you’ll have reserves to draw from.

Scheduling time for yourself allows you to take time when it works for you around your other obligations and it allows you to schedule other things around your ‘me time.’

Let me give you an example.  I have a client, Kelly,  who had always wanted to take a yoga class.  She joined a gym that offered what she wanted, but she never seemed to get there.  Something always got in the way.  Sound familiar?  I asked her to look at the schedule and choose a class she wanted to go to that was at a time that she was usually the least busy.  Then, I suggested that she put that class in her calendar, like an important appointment.  (An appointment with yourself is an important one!)  I told her that for a month, she was not to allow anything to get in the way of that commitment.  I suggested she think of it this way:  if you had a doctor’s appointment that you had waited months to get and, the morning of the appointment, someone asked you if you could do something for them, what would you say?  Here are some options:  “I’d love to help you out but I won’t be available until 11:00″  or “I wish I could but I have another commitment, have you checked with Jane?”  or simply, “I’m sorry, I can’t.  I have an appointment.  Maybe next time.”  Or, thinking about that same appointment, you wouldn’t get up in the morning and ask yourself if you felt like going.  You have an appointment.  You honor it!  Especially when it is with the most precious person in your life… YOU!

By the end of the month, Kelly’s yoga practice had become a habit.  And, she loved it.  On those rare occasions when something got in the way of her going to class, she made time to practice yoga at home.  The effect carried through to all areas of her life.  She felt more fit, more relaxed, more patient and more productive.  She had invested time in herself and everybody around her benefited!

So, what’s one thing you’d do if you had ‘me’ time?  What are you waiting for?  Get your calendar out and put yourself in there… in ink!