When you ask most women the question, “How are you?”, the most common answers are, “busy”, “crazy busy”, “busy but it’s all good.”  Sound familiar?  And it’s not just around the holidays.  It seems there’s always something that has us chasing our tails, racing frantically from one thing to the next with our feet barely touching the ground.  When I get really busy, I feel like a stone skipping in the water, briefly touching the surface and then flying off to the next touch point and then the next and so on, never really digging into anything at a level that gives me any sense of satisfaction.

I think busy-ness is a way of avoiding the things we fear… feelings that might be uncomfortable, thoughts that might be unpleasant, actions that might be challenging.  And we can legitimize our ‘stuck-ness’ by being too busy to do anything to move us forward in the direction of our heart’s desires.

In the words of Lily Tomlin, “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

But how do we slow down?  Being busy has become a habit.  We declare our busy-ness with pride.  We make it sounds like the only alternative to busy-ness is death.  We live in a society where doing things quickly is a part of our culture.  We eat fast food, we can attend speed dating and networking events, there’s even speed yoga.  There are gyms that pride themselves on offering workouts that can be done in 30 minutes so you can get it over with quickly and get on with your life.  I have friends who go to a particular church because the Mass is shorter.  They call it ‘drive thru Mass’.  What’s up with that?

So, how do we break our busy-ness habit?   My friend and author of many books on intuition, Lynn Robinson shares this insight,

“I know I can’t simply snap my fingers and have my life change. But I can make a choice, and I’m choosing right here and now to simply breathe, slow down, feel grateful for the present moment.”

To break a habit, she says, you first have to become aware of doing it. Then, you make a conscious choice about what you want versus what you don’t want (peace versus rushing) and you take action on the decision.

You won’t change your habits overnight.  You’ll need to purposefully and intentionally choose your actions minute by minute until the new pace becomes you new normal and your old habits are replaced with more effective ones.  Keep asking yourself, am I breathing deeply?  Am I fully present and engaged in what I’m doing?  What will move me in the direction I want to go?

Expect discomfort, expect set backs but keep choosing!  You’ll get there… slowly perhaps but you’ll be able to enjoy the process.

Happy New Year!    It has been a long time since I’ve posted here.  I’ve thought about it.   Even sat down and gotten started.  And then I’ve gotten ‘busy’ with other, more time sensitive things.  Not blogging has been a bit of an albatross around my neck; a dark cloud following me, weighing me down.  I’ve had a dialog with myself over and over again about how I should be writing; I’m bad because I haven’t consistently written.  I’ve even tossed and turned at night and lost sleep over it.  But I’ve learned a few things along the way and, in my mind, nothing is a failure if there is learning that comes of it.  So, here’s what I learned.

1. Like any commitment you make, you have to have a strategy and it has to be written down   (I resist writing things down because then it’s real and I might fail.)
2. You have to go public with your strategy.  It helps you be accountable. (See parenthesis in #1… failure is even worse when it’s public.)
3. Blog posts don’t have to be perfect.  (There is no such thing so good luck with that, anyway.)
4. Every blog post won’t resonate with every reader.  That’s OK.
5. Get your priorities straight!  I realized I was spending a tremendous amount of time doing work that, while high paying, didn’t make my heart sing and, in fact, took me away from the work I truly love and can make a good living at.

So, it’s time for a change…

This year I will:

• blog at least twice a week, every week.
• be sure all of my blog posts are useful, informative and/or inspiring but not perfect.
• reach 3 times as many readers as I do now.
• efficiently link all of my social media platforms together.
• check in with my heart regularly to be sure what I am working on is aligned with my life purpose and my soul’s work.
• surround myself with upbeat, supportive people
• ask for help when I get stuck
• be of service.

How about you?  What are you up to for 2012?

A lot of people see me as someone who is pretty brave.  I’m fairly independent and self-sufficient.  I run my own business. I’m always busy with one thing or another.  I, however, don’t see myself as particularly bold.  I have been stopped by my fears a million times.  When it happens, it feels like coming to the end of a short tether.  I’m charging headlong into a project or the execution of an idea and, boom, I run out of rope and I am abruptly pulled up short.  I get virtual whiplash. Take for example, the time I was going to pitch myself as a speaker at a major women’s conference.  I was really excited.  I could see myself standing in front of a room full of women.  I made some notes about what I would propose and then, suddenly, I slammed on the brakes.  The force of my self doubt and inner fears about not being good enough stopped me in my tracks. I buried that dream and moved on.  That’s just one example.  I’ve been living that way for a long time.  When I was a senior in high school, I was supposed to spend six months living with a family and studying in France, but I chickened out and stayed home in my small suburban town instead.  I’m still regretting that one, almost 40 years later.   Each time I start something and don’t carry it out because of fear, I regret it.

So, sometime last spring, I decided it was time to put an end to that.  I thought that going skydiving might be just the thing to do to push me past my debilitating fear.  Up until that moment, skydiving was something I thought I wouldn’t do in a million years.  Now, I was thinking it was the answer to my challenges.  In a conversation with one of my clients, she told me of the many situations in which fear had kept her from doing things she’d wanted to do and I shared my idea about skydiving with her.  She was intrigued.  Two days later, we each got a Groupon in our inboxes for half off skydiving and we knew it was meant to be.  I asked others if they wanted to go and got a variety of responses ranging from ‘are you crazy?’to ‘I’d never do that but you go girl’ to my dear 75 year old friend saying, “I’m in!”

So last week, the three of us headed off to Sky Dive Pepperell, filled with excitement and trepidation, open to whatever our adventure would reveal to us.

And an adventure it was!  Sheer exhilaration and joy!  Not even a fraction as frightening as I had anticipated.

Here are some of my ‘ahas’ and take-aways:

1. Things are rarely as scary as you imagine they will be.
2. Thorough preparation helps allay fears and minimize danger. (Sky Dive Pepperell did an amazing job preparing us for our mission.)
3. Having an abundance of support is essential (We had each other and a competent crew at Sky Dive Pepperell)
4. Fear is heavy and burdensome.  Today I feel light and energized.
5. It’s important not to let other people’s opinions sway you from your own truth.  (I had many people question my sanity and try to talk me out of going.)
6. This feeling I have of not being afraid is how a lot of people who I admire live their lives.   Thing just don’t seem like such a big deal when you aren’t run by fear.

What life goals are you not reaching?  What are the fears that are stopping you?  What big bold move can you take to overcome them?

That’s what one of my clients said to me last week.  Who among us hasn’t had that thought?  Most of us grew up fueled by a dream of living happily ever after with prince charming and having a life of joy and abundance.  We never imagined the various challenges we would have tossed in our path.  We didn’t expect terrorism, recession, environmental threats, high unemployment, difficult marriages,  poor health or any of the other monkey wrenches we have encountered on the way to old age.  And we are unprepared to deal with the unexpected twists and turns of life.  We hang onto our idealized expectations and feel cheated and wronged that it didn’t turn out as we’d hoped.  Whether it is fair or not, we are where we are.  The best way to stay stuck is to tighten our grip on the perceived injustice of that.  If we want to break out of the place we’re in, we need to change our mindset.

1. Determine what’s really important to you. Sometimes we hang on to old dreams that are no longer relevant.  Reassess what you truly value and want and let go of the shoulds.
2. Focus on what you do have that makes you happy and find ways to get more of those things. What we think about expands, if we focus our attention on the positives, we will see and get more of them.
3. Let go of concerns about what others will think. Don’t let what you think others will think keep you stuck.  You might be surprised to learn that others admire your courage when you take a bold step to change.
4. Reach out to others. You’ll be amazed to find out how many others share you feelings and frustrations.  Instead of commiserating with each other, commit to taking action to change your circumstances and support and hold each other accountable.
5. Consult with experts. Learn effective ways to change your situation.  If you are in debt, talk to a financial professional.  If you have health issues, see a medical or wellness professional, etc.  What you know now is what got you to where you are now.  You need new information and insight in order to move beyond it.  Often the solution isn’t as daunting as you thought it would be.
6. Take action. Stop whining and worrying and begin to do something.  Take one small action every day that will move you closer to your dreams.
7. Be patient. You didn’t get to where you are in your life overnight and you won’t get out of it in a blink either.  Each small step will empower you, give you a sense of control and move you closer to your desired outcome.

So go ahead… Use the wisdom you have amassed over the years,  set new expectations and  live into those new hopes and dreams.  It’s not too late.

I opened my local newspaper today and found an inspiring column, written by a 14 year old who, with a number of other teens have made great strides in changing the world!  Marissa has formed a group of like minded teens who have done amazing things to help others and change the world.  They’ve collected used jeans for homeless teens, made and donated fleece blankets to  abused, neglected and emotionally disturbed children, baked and decorated gingerbread houses for nursing homes, hospices and rehab centers around town and more.  This 14 year old, wise and generous beyond her years, shared some ideas for how every individual can change their own frame of mind and make a difference in the world, one, small act at a time.  Here’s her list.

• Give a stranger a sincere compliment.
• At a restaurant, buy dessert for another family.
• Buy a bouquet of flowers for someone you care about.
• Let someone go ahead of you in line.
• Bake a batch of cookies to share with your co-workers.
• Talk with a homeless person or buy them a cup of coffee or a bagel.
• Write an appreciative letter to someone who has made a difference in your life.
• Write a note of appreciation to your mail carrier.
• Hold the door open for someone.
• Call or visit someone who is sick.
• Say “Good Morning.”
• Give someone a hug.
• Give your seat to someone who needs it more than you on a bus or train.
• Pay someone’s toll.
• Leave a generous tip.
• Make someone laugh.
• Donate clothes to a charity.
• Smile!
• Leave flowers on the doorstep of someone you don’t know; ring the doorbell and run.
• Make a card for someone you love.
• Pick up trash at a local park.
• Put a quarter in a parking meter that has expired.

And, my all time favorite:

• Be spontaneous.  Make an effort to act  on each and every kind thought.

Not only will these acts (and others you may think of) make others happy, but performing random acts of kindness feels great and it gives you an incredible burst of adrenaline.

Maybe we should stop reading the gloom and doom headlines and turn to our youth for hope and inspiration!  Thanks Marissa!