You gotta make the morning last.  Just kickin’ down the cobble stones, looking for fun and feeling groovy…  so go the lyrics to The 59th Street Bridge Song by Simon and Garfunkel.

I was reminded of this song the other day as I was walking the labyrinth at a beautiful retreat center nearby.  I’d never walked a labyrinth before.   The guide sheet I was reading before I entered suggested that I walk with some intention… that I either pray or ask for the answer to a question.  So, as I stood at the entrance, the question that appeared for me was merely this,  “What do I need to know?”   Now, my intellectual side says, “that’s not a very good question.  What do you need to know about what?  In order to do what?”  But my spiritual side responded,  “That’s the perfect question.  Let’s just see what unfolds.”  (only now as I write this does it occur to me that the 2 sides of me didn’t fight or resist each other… there was no judgement, no should, merely my observation that both parts of me were present.)

And so, I began my walk through the maze, appreciating the beautiful sunshine, feeling its warmth, noticing the vibrancy of the new green grass, the result of the recent rain we’ve had, and the bright pink buds on the fruit trees around the property.  My mind was still, void of thought and worry.  And then I heard a voice inside my head saying, ‘you need to slow down and feel the love around you.’

I could feel a smile spread across my face and an ease settle into my chest.  Earlier in the day I had been cranky about the fact that I was feeling unappreciated and a bit lonely.  That message made me think immediately of all of the ways a number of people had shown me love and appreciation but at the time, I’d been too busy, moving too fast to notice.

As we clamor to do things, whine and complain about what others should be doing, notice what’s wrong and what’s missing, we miss the very thing we need to move forward.

We can clear our path to change, merely by shifting our focus, altering our mindset and slowing our pace.

Pave the road to change by trying something different. ( I had never walked a labyrinth before.)  Do something that appears to have nothing to do with the change you are trying to make and see what shows up!

Just like the partnership of mind and spirit, there is a coupling of intention and allowing that carries you down the road of change.

Enjoy the journey!

In my last post, I said that fear comes from the head and can stop us short.   In this post, I want to lower the elevator and talk about passion as a driver.  Passion comes from your heart.

Consider for a moment the feeling you have when you are in love or when you are doing something you are passionate about.  You are totally coming from your heart, doing what’s natural, no holds barred, playing full out.  You are free, energized, unstoppable.

Often, you can’t even explain why.  You often can’t put the cause of your feelings into words.  And, because it’s a good feeling, you don’t feel the need to understand its source.  But identifying the cause of positive emotions is as important as naming the cause of fear because it allows you to recreate those positive feelings and get you back into your heart when the negative,  head initiated, limiting feelings take over.

Your passion for learning new things, helping others, feeling strong and healthy, teaching, leading, connecting, whatever is true for you can help you choose to get back to your heart when you feel stuck in your head.  All of these passions, support your life purpose and energize you.

Use your passion to grow.  Listen to your heart,  pay attention to its yearnings, trust your instincts, observe yourself, can change your thinking and shrink your fear.

Fear is a wall.  You can stand behind it and hide or you can climb up on it, stand on top of it and use it as a platform from which to soar.

You can hit up against it over and over and feel ongoing pain or you can blast through, feeling temporary  discomfort followed by unbridled freedom.

You can  fall victim to your fear or you can use it to learn valuable lessons,  make adjustments  and catapult yourself forward.

You can see is as a source of constraint or as a motivator.

While fear is a feeling,  it comes from our heads not our hearts.   Fear is initiated by a thought,  sometimes a fleeting one, that sets off a series of physiological changes in the body.  Thoughts like,  ‘I’m going to fail’,  ‘I’m going to look foolish’,  ‘people won’t respect me’,  ‘I won’t be able to make enough money’, cause you to feel a sense of danger, a threat to your identity or your well-being.  These thoughts then, cause the release of cortisol in your body, the tightening of your muscles, quickening your heart rate, dilation of your pupils, shortage of oxygen to your brain,  increased blood flow to your outer extremities  giving you the physical sensation of fear.

Fear comes from your head.  So, minimizing it from your head, makes sense.  Identify the cause of the fear.  Challenge the thoughts.  Ask yourself,  ‘Is this true?’  ‘Do I really know this is true?’  ‘If I assume this isn’t true, what might I do?’  ‘What’s really the worst thing that might happen if this doesn’t work out?’

Using logic to counter sometimes illogical thoughts can help you right size your fear and keep moving forward.

In 1969, Dr. John Maxwell*, began to dream, about making a difference in the lives of people.  After ten years of following that vision, he thought about whether he was succeeding.  To his surprise, the first thing he discovered was that his dream to help others, also helped him.  Here’s how:

• His dream has helped him to focus. Every time he was distracted from his purpose, his dream kept him on track.
• His dream has helped him to stretch.  Often he wanted to stay in his comfort zone, but his dream required that he step out of it and forced him to grow.
• His dream helped him to sacrifice.  When the price for success got high, his dream encouraged him to pay it, reminding him that there are no shortcuts to success and the payoff was worth it.
• His dream has helped him to persevere.  His commitment to his dream, meant quitting was not an option.
• His dream has helped him to attract winners.  The size of his dream required that he be surrounded by successful, determined, optimistic people and that’s who he attracted.  Small dreams attract small people and big dreams attract big people.
• His dream has helped him to tap into his belief in something larger than himself.   His dream was too big for him alone.  He needed to trust God and the Universe. 

Sometimes the big things that we’re up to feel hard.  They sometimes require a lot of our time, much of which is outside of our comfort zone.  Sometimes, we feel like they require us to give up a lot.  And, when we focus on those aspects, it is easy to become discouraged, exhausted, overwhelmed and disengaged.

But, when we notice that through it all, we are learning, growing, contributing and becoming our best selves, the toil becomes lighter, no longer a burden but a wonderful, well earned gift.  Consider the value of meeting and surrounding yourself with supportive, excited like minded people.  Think of the enormous gift it is to learn to give up trying to control everything and give yourself over to the universe.  Imagine the sense of empowerment coming from your growing faith in yourself!  Envision your sense of accomplishment as you look back at the legacy you have left, the contribution you have made and the sense of peace and pride that follows. 

As I review the BIG things I’ve done in my life, I notice that those that I was successful at, those that I saw threw and really enjoyed, matched Maxwell’s discovery.    I’ve come to notice that the best things I do in my life are things that help me AND others all at once. 

Big ideas and big dreams are bigger than ourselves.   Go for it!!

My son had a big disappointment last week.  He didn’t make the High School baseball team.  He had worked really hard and yet, the message he got was that he wasn’t good enough.  The message really was, your baseball skills are not as good as those of others with whom you were competing for a spot on the team.  But, that’s not what he heard.  Ouch. 

He spent the weekend feeling really sad and angry.  My husband and I encouraged him to get out and connect with others and get busy.  His response, “I don’t feel like it.”  We let him follow his feelings for the day on Saturday and then on Sunday, we had a talk with him.  We tried to explain to him that he isn’t his feelings.  He has feelings.  And, this weekend they were pretty painful.  We tried to show him that we honored his feelings as valid and told him it was OK to feel them.  And, we explained that we can have our feelings and get into action inspite of them!  I explained that there are a lot of days when I don’t feel like going to the gym.  And, I take my feelings, pack them up in the car and go off to the gym anyway.  There are days when I feel like eating 6 pounds of macaroni and cheese, convinced it will make me feel better, and I have a healthy salad instead.  By owning and accepting my feelings and myself for having them I get some relief.  I am not fighting with what is, judging myself or others for whatever has triggered these feelings. Getting into action makes me feel better because it gives me a sense of power over my emotions.   When I take my mind off of the problem and I do something that is good for me or that I really enjoy, I create space for myself to see the possibilities in the world.  It makes me feel powerful over my feelings rather than victim to them. 

By all means, we should have our feelings, own them, honor them, allow them.  Feelings are a big part of us but they do not define us… they are not us.