I’m in a funk!  I feel down, unmotivated, unproductive, lonely.  And, truth be told, I have good reason to be feeling this way.  For starters, read the newspaper.  There isn’t a lot of good news out there.  On top of that, I’m sending my first born off to college in a few weeks.  If you don’t think that’s rife with emotions, guess again.  Yesterday marked the 4th anniversary of my dad’s death.  That one creeps up on my out of nowhere every year.  I’m just back from a month ‘sabbatical’ on the coast of Maine and re-entry is proving challenging.  The summer is drawing to a close.  Enough?  There’s more but I won’t bore you with the details.

If you’ve been following me for long or know me well, you know that I’m not one to whine and complain.  So what’s up with this downer?

The first step in shifting your attitude and mood is to acknowledge it and try to understand what is causing it.  Identify what is and isn’t in your control;  honor the things that cannot be changed and act on the things that you can do something about.   So in my case, I can’t bring my father back but I can remember positive things about him and honor my feelings of sadness and loss.  I can’t reverse the stock market slide (sorry, wish I could) but I can sit down with my husband and take a look at our finances and our spending and take some appropriate, responsible action to cut back on spending.  That will give me a sense of intention and control.   I can, as I’m doing here, share my feelings with others and not internalize it all and think, “I’m the only one.”  And I can support others to turn their attitudes around too.  I can be  grateful for the wonderful 18 years I have had with my son living at home and be proud of him and us and be excitedly curious about who he will become as he launches into this next chapter of his life.   I can look around at my friends and neighbors and collect evidence that it all works out and they live through the separation process.  I can focus on the good fortune I do have and show gratitude because there are so many people in the world who are in far worse situations than I.   I can, above all, be gentle with myself and keep moving forward at the pace that I can, confident in what history can tell us:  “this too shall pass.”

I’d love to hear from you, how do you shake your funk or help others to do so?

Sometimes the seeming enormity of what lies  ahead of us as we contemplate making a change in our lives, stops us in our tracks.  We don’t even begin when we are staring ‘certain failure’ in the face.   Take for example, the woman who wants to lose 50 pounds, or the one who wants to make a significant mid-like career change.  How long will it take?  What hard work will she have to endure?  When will she see noticeable results?  Many of us, consider these questions and more and resign ourselves to staying stuck where we are.

But change, taken one step at a time, with built in support and milestones, can happen almost magically when done the right way.   This is one of my favorite stories about the power of getting started and taking baby steps until you reach your goals… and beyond.

Daffodil Garden

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, “Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over.”  I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead.  “I will come next Tuesday”, I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy.  Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there.  When I finally walked into Carolyn’s house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds  of happy children.  I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.

“Forget the daffodils, Carolyn!  The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!”

My daughter smiled calmly and said, “We drive in this all the time, Mother.”  “Well, you won’t get me back on the road until it clears, and then I’m heading for home!” I assured her.

“But first we’re going  to see the daffodils.  It’s just a few blocks, “Carolyn said.  “I’ll drive.  I’m used to this.”

“Carolyn,” I said sternly, “Please turn around.”  “It’s all right, Mother, promise.  You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.”

After about twenty  minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read,  “Daffodil  Garden.”  We got out of the car, each took a child’s hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path.  Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped.  Before me lay the most glorious sight.  It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes.  The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy
white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow.  Each different-colored variety was  planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with  its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.

“Who did  this?”  I asked Carolyn.  “Just one woman,” Carolyn answered.  “She lives on  the property. That’s her home.”  Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame  house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory.  We walked up  to the house.  On the patio, we saw a poster. “Answers to the  Questions I Know You Are Asking”, was the headline. The first answer was a  simple one. “50,000 bulbs,” it read. The second answer was, “One at a time,  by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain.” The third answer was “Began in 1958.”

For me, that moment was a life-changing experience.  I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an  obscure mountaintop.  Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown  woman had forever changed the world in which she lived One day at a time, she  had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration.  The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles  of
celebration.

That is, learning to  move toward our goals and desires one step at a time–often just one baby-step  at time–and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily  effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the  world .

“It makes me sad in a way,” I admitted to Carolyn. “What  might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or  forty years ago and had worked away at it ‘one bulb at a time’ through all those  years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!”

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way.  “Start tomorrow,” she said.  She was right. It’s so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays.  The way to make learning a lesson of celebration  instead of a cause for
regret is to only ask, “How can I put this to use  today?”

Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting…..

Until your car or home is paid off
Until you get  a new car or home
Until your kids leave the house
Until you go  back to school
Until you finish school
Until you clean the  house
Until you organize the garage
Until you clean off your  desk
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10  lbs.
Until you get married
Until you get a  divorce
Until you have kids
Until the kids go to  school
Until you retire
Until summer
Until  spring
Until winter
Until fall
Until you  die…

There is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a  journey, not a destination.

So work like you don’t  need money.

Love like you’ve never  been hurt, and, Dance like no one’s watching.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid  that it will never begin.

~anonymous

I think I could live by quotes alone!  I love how other people       use language and often think they can express things better than I.  And so, I say, why reinvent the wheel?  Why try to best the greats?  But instead, why not share the wisdom of others with the universe?
In that spirit, I share a quote about appreciation and ask you to think about what it means in your life and how, if you are so inclined, you might take action on its message in order to enhance your life.

“Each day, awakening, are we asked to paint the sky blue? Need we coax the sun to rise or flowers to bloom? Need we teach birds to sing, or children to laugh, or lovers to kiss? No, though we think the world imperfect, it surrounds us each day with its perfections. We are asked only to appreciate them and to show appreciation by living in peaceful harmony amidst them. The Creator does not ask that we create a perfect world; He asks that we celebrate it.”  ~Robert Brault

Some simple daily practices to make appreciation a habit:
1. Each time you have a negative thought,  pause and think about what might be good about the situation.  Even after something as horrific as the attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11, people were finding things to be grateful for… the flight they were supposed to be on but missed, early morning doctor’s appointment that made them late for work, the many, many people who were fortunate enough to survive.  If people can find the upside in something so terrible as that, you surely can find the silver lining in your misfortunes.
2. When you see something you like, make a point of commenting about it to someone.  I am especially awed by things in nature, even worms and spider webs.  I don’t like them but they are beautiful.
3. When someone does even the simplest thing for you, even if you expect it, say thank you and show appreciation.
4. Tell someone you are happy to help them.
5. Thank the cashier, bus driver, waitress, janitor for their efforts.  You may not ever want to do those jobs but imagine if no one did them.
6. Remember, you have to ‘be the change you wish to see in the world’ (Gandhi) so if you want more appreciation, you must show more appreciation.  It will come back to you ten-fold.

Noticing and showing appreciation can lift your mood, enhance your relationships, be a means by which you make a contribution to the world.  Appreciating can put things in perspective, give you relief from your daily worries and troubles.  It is potent medicine and best of all, it’s free.

Do you put all of your toys away before you go to bed?  Yes, I’m talking to you, the mom, the adult.  I’m not   talking to a group of kindergartners.  My question is, when you are finished with something, do you put it away where it belongs before moving on to the next thing or are you perpetually surrounded by clutter?  True confessions:  I fall into the latter category.  I’m a clutter queen.  If you are a neat-nik, I honor, no worship you.  You have created great habits.  I have created some very bad habits.  I work on several projects at a time and jump to the next thing before finishing the first.  I leave piles of my ‘stuff’ all over the place.

And, I have ‘good reasons’ for this.  I’m still a paper person.  I work better with paper content than from reading on the computer so I need to print a lot of things and thus have a lot of  ‘stuff’.   I AM A VERY BUSY PERSON! I don’t have time to clean up my stuff. Everything that I’m doing is extremely important!    And all my good reasons?  Well, they are really nothing more than excuses;  stories I tell myself that make me feel justified in continuing to live in clutter.  My ubiquitous piles drive my husband crazy.  I know this but it isn’t enough to make me change.  The time that I clean up my act is when my mess begins to bother me.  Looking around and seeing piles in every room I enter, eventually, stresses me out. It robs me of joy.  I’m at that stage  now.  It is time to create new, more effective habits so that I can get out of this cycle once and for all.  So, you are my witnesses:  I declare, today, I am going to build my clean up muscle.  I’m going to create new practices that will leave my desk (and every other flat surface in my house) clear of piles, every day.  Yikes.  Did I just go public with that?  Is everyone reading this blog going to hold me accountable for taking action?

I’m having all of the reactions anyone would have when making a public commitment to make a change.  ‘Can I do this?’  ‘Do I really want to do this?’  ‘What if I fail?’  ‘Where do I begin?’

Take a deep breath, make a plan, get into action.

OK, here goes:

1. I will create systems so that I will have a place to put ongoing work that is easy to find
2. I will purge all of my old files to make room for current ones
3. I will create folders for each different project I am working on and clearly mark them for easy retrieval
4. When I am finished working on something, I will put it away before beginning anything else
5. I will ask my husband (oh… this is going to be hard)… to gently remind me when he notices that I am not putting things away.

Why am I doing this?  What’s in it for me to suffer the process?  (Might as well tell it like it is… this feels like torture to me)

1. I feel badly about myself when I am surrounded by clutter
2. I feel joyful and lighter when my space is clear and neat
3. I save an enormous amount of time finding things when I am organized and things are in their place
4. I will feel more confident and in control

What resources do I need?

1. File drawer space
2. File racks for the top of my desk
3. Lots of file folders
4. A marker
5. A system for where to put things

What Support do I need?

1. My family- to remind me
2. My readers/followers-to hold me accountable
3. Advice from friends who are organized (Donna, Jane, Brenda)
4. A professional organizer?

What new thoughts do I have to adopt?

1. My reasons for not putting things away are excuses.
2. I have plenty of time to put things away.

What are my first steps?

1. Visualize my life as an organized person with clean, clear space.
2. Go to Staples to buy file folders
3. Each day for the next week, I will spend 30 minutes purging old files.
4. When the files are purged, I will create new folders and put all of the appropriate papers in them and put them away.
5. I will practice reading more on the screen without printing and file things in an organized way on my computer.

After I deal with my paper clutter, I’ll move on to my computer clutter.  But, one thing at a time.

OK.  I’m off.  I’ll keep you posted and I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Or, if you want to join me by beginning to change one of your vexing habits, jump in.  We can support each other.  Just comment below as often as you like and we’ll all work together!

I just returned from ‘Spark and Hustle‘,  a 3 day conference for women entrepreneurs, put on by Tory Johnson, best knows as the Workplace Contributor on ‘Good Morning America.’  Tory lined up an amazing cast of smart, successful, inspiring speakers to share information and inspiration with about 200 women entrepreneurs.   I left with so many fabulous ideas,  but most importantly, I gained focus and clarity for my coaching business.  And, then, this morning, it was no accident that I heard Johnny Nash’s song, “I Can See Clearly Now” on the radio.   It’s hard to listen to that song  without feeling good. It’s just one of those songs that is uplifting and puts a smile on my face. And, as I listened to it today, it made me think about the importance of seeing clearly when you are trying to make a change. I thought about all of the times when I’ve felt excited about something, optimistic and energized, only to land squarely back in my old stuck place because I hadn’t created a clear path to my destination. Optimism is a necessary start to the change process but it isn’t enough. Seeing clearly is an important theme in change from start to finish. Can you clearly see the rainbow at the end of your efforts? Your vision for what you hope to create? Can you clearly see the reason you are trying to make the change(s) you are trying to make and is that reason motivating? Are you clear about the potential obstacles you will encounter and do you have a solid plan for how you will overcome them? Have you identified the bad feelings that are standing in your way and can you make them all disappear  so you can take positive action? Can you let go of self-doubt, anger, guilt, judgment and turn them around to self-assurance, acceptance, forgiveness and compassion? In the song, the lyrics tell us that the dark clouds have gone away, there’s nothing but blue sky, yet in the video, we see clouds.  When you look around your life, do you  notice what’s good and positive or do you dwell on the lingering clouds?

Clarity is key to successful change. Anything less will keep you stuck!  Go ahead, treat yourself.  Listen again.