I just returned from ‘Spark and Hustle‘,  a 3 day conference for women entrepreneurs, put on by Tory Johnson, best knows as the Workplace Contributor on ‘Good Morning America.’  Tory lined up an amazing cast of smart, successful, inspiring speakers to share information and inspiration with about 200 women entrepreneurs.   I left with so many fabulous ideas,  but most importantly, I gained focus and clarity for my coaching business.  And, then, this morning, it was no accident that I heard Johnny Nash’s song, “I Can See Clearly Now” on the radio.   It’s hard to listen to that song  without feeling good. It’s just one of those songs that is uplifting and puts a smile on my face. And, as I listened to it today, it made me think about the importance of seeing clearly when you are trying to make a change. I thought about all of the times when I’ve felt excited about something, optimistic and energized, only to land squarely back in my old stuck place because I hadn’t created a clear path to my destination. Optimism is a necessary start to the change process but it isn’t enough. Seeing clearly is an important theme in change from start to finish. Can you clearly see the rainbow at the end of your efforts? Your vision for what you hope to create? Can you clearly see the reason you are trying to make the change(s) you are trying to make and is that reason motivating? Are you clear about the potential obstacles you will encounter and do you have a solid plan for how you will overcome them? Have you identified the bad feelings that are standing in your way and can you make them all disappear  so you can take positive action? Can you let go of self-doubt, anger, guilt, judgment and turn them around to self-assurance, acceptance, forgiveness and compassion? In the song, the lyrics tell us that the dark clouds have gone away, there’s nothing but blue sky, yet in the video, we see clouds.  When you look around your life, do you  notice what’s good and positive or do you dwell on the lingering clouds?

Clarity is key to successful change. Anything less will keep you stuck!  Go ahead, treat yourself.  Listen again.

by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.

And I don’t mean day old bread!

That was the headline on an email I got from a local restaurant promoting April as wine month at their establishment.

It caught my eye because I know that sometimes, when we are feeling down, defeated, discouraged, in a funk, we have trouble thinking of anything to cheer about.  But, finding just one thing to be grateful for, to appreciate or be proud of, in the moment, can be enough to give us the energy to climb out of the hole we are stuck in and take effective action.  So, the next time you are feeling stuck and a little down about it, quick, think of something worth toasting and find a healthy way to honor that thought!  You’ll be amazed at how uplifting it will be.

Fact:  You can’t be glad and sad at the same time.  Your hormones won’t let you be. So, to get out of sad, think glad!

Our negative thoughts are often excuses that serve as safety nets for  not doing things that are outside of our comfort zone.  Take for example me… and writing…  I have all sorts of stories in my head that I can’t write well, I have nothing interesting to say…in fact, as I’m writing this, I’m saying to myself “there are people who are nodding their head in agreement about those two statements.”

How motivating is that thought?  Makes me want to go make lunch, surf the web, walk on hot coals!  But, that would just lead to more self-deprecation, because,  at the end of the day, this blog post wouldn’t be written and then I’d really have a reason to beat myself up.  I could easily add that lack of completion to my catalog of stories about my ineptitude.   Ah, but enough about me… back to my point…

If we let our internal trash talk run us, we don’t get much done.
So, how do we excavate our mental garbage so we can find a clear
open space in which to create success?

Here are some ideas:

• Give up the notion that everything has to be perfect.
• Accept that everyone won’t love what you do or say.
• Reach out to your fans for support, encouragement, and a way to tap into your mental juice.
• Get started!  That’s often the biggest hurdle.
• Set small goals… I’m going to write for 15 minutes.  Then I give myself permission to stop if I still want to (chances are, I’ll be on a roll by then and I’ll keep going-as per the previous bullet).
• Develop bullet points to get yourself organized and create light posts to illuminate your path.
• Fill in the bullet points with more information or action items- individual bricks  make up the path and  give you a sense of measurable progress.
• Acknowledge yourself for each step that you take.
• Keep going, remembering not to strive for perfection. (You’ll get closer to it if you aren’t being a real-time critic—that will just send you in circles.)
• Continually start, do, stop, acknowledge, repeat!
• Take note of what works to get you unstuck.
• Remember this formula the next time your mental garbage gets in the way.

Now you have an excavation plan.  You’ll depend on it heavily for a
while.  And, soon, just like the Google map you rely on the first few
times you drive to a new, unfamiliar destination, you won’t need it
anymore.  Your well traveled path to success will be second nature.

So many women I know, wake up one morning and say, “Enough! I want my life back.” And then, they feel guilty and hop up out of bed, put their game face on, make breakfast for their tribe, pat the kids, kiss the dog and head to work, whether it be in or outside the home. It’s not that they don’t enjoy what they do to some extent and don’t get pleasure out of the contribution and expression of love that their work represents, it’s just that they are tired of it always being about someone else’s needs first  instead of their own.

So, how can you get past the guilt and reclaim at least a corner of your life as your own? First, let’s examine the guilt.

Guilt: remorse or self-reproach caused by feeling that one is responsible for a wrong or offense.  What is it we feel responsible for?  What offense will we have committed if we don’t put a well balanced meal on the table every night, if we go excercise at lunch time or curl up in a cozy corner and read a book?

 Guilt is often a powerful excuse for not taking risks and making changes.  It allows us to blame others and feel virtuous in doing so. 

 But guilt has a price:  “Nagging guilt is like gray paint splashed over life’s sparkling moments.” (Sally Shannon)

 Is it really guilt that we’re feeling or are we really saying, “I don’t know what else I’d do,” or “I don’t know who I’d be if I weren’t doing what I’m doing?” Our identities are so wrapped up in our labels and titles, and habits and even our whining, we fear we’ll disappear if we make changes. We’re so accustomed to being someone’s mom, someone’s wife, someone’s marketing manager, etc. etc., we don’t know who we really are, stripped of all that. So, is it guilt or is it fear?

Either way, you can get over it! Ask yourself some questions and dig deep for the answers.

1. What would I really like to be doing, if there was no one to consider but myself?
2. What have I always dreamed of doing but thought was impossible?
3. What would I do if I knew I could not fail?
4. What did I do in the past that I really miss?
5. What talents and passions are untapped?
6.  What is the worst thing that could happen if I incorporated just one of these things into my life?
7. What small thing could I be doing that would be an expression of my true self?
8. What achievable goals can I set for myself and hold my self accountable to?
9. What support do I need to get started on this and stay on track?

Whether it is guilt or fear, it is holding you back from living your happiest, healthiest, most fulfilled life.  Untangle the web that is shackling you and reclaim your one most precious life.