Thanks to my friend, colleague and fabulous coach Bette Hoffman for this poignant piece of Native American legend.

One evening a Cherokee Elder was teaching his grandson about a battle

that goes on inside people.                     

 He said “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance,

self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride  and superiority.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility,

kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion,

and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute. Then he asked his grandfather,

“Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee man simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Do you want to change your relationships?  Feel really good about yourself even when things aren’t going just the way you’d like!  Well, have I got an idea for you!

You know all those people in your life who are unpleasant, rude, ungrateful for all you do and just downright difficult to deal with?  I have the cure!  And, it isn’t what you’d expect.  No, I’m not going to suggest that you sit down and have a heart to heart talk with them or that you cut them out of your life altogether.  I’m going to suggest that you take the high road.  Let me give you an example:

Imagine that you are walking down the street in the wealthy section of a city.  It’s a beautiful sunny day and, as you’re walking along admiring the majestic high end real estate, a flower pot falls from a balcony high above your head.  The pot hits you and crashes to the ground.  You’re angry but only a little hurt.  You have a choice to make.  What will you do?

Let’s consider the options: 

1.  It’s a wealthy neighborhood.  The guy from who’s deck the pot fell is probably worth a bundle.  You could sue him and probably win big bucks.  Why not?  You know a good lawyer who’d be happy to take the case.

2.  You could get revenge.  You could gather all the pieces of the pot and the unrooted flower that fell out of it, carry it up to the guys apartment and threaten him.  That would make you feel better, wouldn’t it?

3.  You could walk away and try to forget about it, but you run the risk of carrying your feelings around with you for the rest of your life.

4.  Or, you could do the unthinkable.  You could pick up the pieces of the pot and the broken plant, take it to a nursery, buy a new pot, have the plant repotted and bring it back to the owner.  You could knock on his door and say to him, ‘Your plant fell and I thought you’d like to have it back, repotted.  I hope you like the new pot that I got for you.  Perhaps you should secure it on your deck a little better so it doesn’t fall again.  If you have some wire, I could help you do that right now.

Can you imagine how you’d feel if you did that?  Despite the fact that the pot falling wasn’t your fault, that it could have killed you, that the owner never would have known you were even there.  And imagine how the other person might feel?  How surprised and delighted… imagine how he might turn around and treat others.

One simple change in your behavior could cause a ripple effect of positive feelings and positive actions.  Or, you could take it the other way.  Which would you choose?

Today, I invited my friend and colleague Mari Ryan, CEO of Advancing Wellness to post a guest blog.  She shared a wonderful story and a great lesson for us all!  Here it is:

When I got up at 5:30 this morning I was cranky. I went to bed cranky. I decided the best way to deal with this feeling was to walk it off, so I took my Cairn Terrier Miss Kate for a long walk. As I walked along the main road, a young man on a bicycle came whizzing by. He yelled “Isn’t it a beautiful day?” I thought for a moment and shouted back “It sure is!” As he continued down the road, he put his hands out to the side as if he was flying. With all that joy he was exuding, he was flying. His joy was absolutely contagious. It suddenly made me think - “So what are you so cranky about? Take a lesson from him and be joyful”. As Miss Kate and I continued our walk, I contemplated the young man who challenged me to see the day from a different perspective. I consciously chose to think differently - to appreciate the things I have to be grateful for and to enjoy the beautiful morning that I was experiencing on my walk. When I got home, I tackled a few of the things that had been making me cranky and felt much better. I hope I see that young man on another early morning walk soon.

Mari Ryan is CEO of AdvancingWellness (www.advwellness.com), a worksite wellness company based in the Boston, MA area.

Where I am, on vacation in New England, the weather has been less than optimal.  That’s code for it’s been raining alot!  As a result, people are a bit down, disappointed that their best laid summer plans have been washed out.  It seems that all any one can talk about is the weather (yawn, ho hum), as if talking about it is going to make the sun come out.  And ‘talk’ is actually being kind…I feel like I’m living in Complaintville.  If the clouds and rain aren’t enough, all this negative talk is a real downer.  You’d think that the whole world had stopped and all that is going on is bad weather.  Why do we have such a narrow view?  Why do we find comfort (pleasure?) in sharing our common misery?  And why must we let the weather dictate our sense of satisfaction and well being?  I say we mustn’t and  I’m on a campaign to turn things around…I’ve begun a list of the great things I’ve been able to do on rainy days during my vacation this summer.  I’d welcome your additions.  Just thinking about the many options cheers me up!

Here are a few of the things I’ve been able to do that I wouldn’t have done if the weather had been better:

1. Went to the local art museum without feeling like I’m missing a day on the water!
2. Finished the book I started last month.
3. Go running without struggling with the heat
4. Take naps to catch up on the sleep I’ve been missing
5. Spend intimate time with my kids playing games and doing puzzles
6. Clean the cluttered closets that have been bugging me for years.
7. Write real pen and paper letters to friends
8. Clean out my inbox
9. Write some blog entries
10. Write 5 things I’m grateful for at the end of every day.

Here are some ideas I’ve had for others:

1. Think of things you did on rainy days as a kid and ‘re-enact’ them for your kids
2. Rent movies you’ve always wanted to see or better yet, rent some of your old faves and watch them again
3. Have a tea party
4. Organize your closets or your kitchen
5. Embark on that hobby you’ve always wanted to explore
6. Interview your relatives and learn more about your family history

What do you do on a rainy day while on vacation?  Do you suffer and complain or do you make the best of it and create your own good time?

Like many things in life, we can’t control the weather but we have complete control over how we deal with it!

Enjoy!