The Boston Globe shared this in this morning’s edition of the paper:

The New York Post got its hands on an e-mail meant for Gisele Bundchen’s inner circle that asks friends of the Tom Brady-Bundchen pack to pray for the Pats. According to the story by the Post’s Todd Venezia, the e-mail says, “My sweet friends and family, this Sunday will be a really important day in my husband’s life. He and his team worked so hard to get to this point and now they need us more than ever to send them positive energy so they can fulfill their dream of winning this Super Bowl. So I kindly ask all of you to join me on this positive chain and pray for him, so he can feel confident, healthy and strong. Envision him happy and fulfilled experiencing with his team a victory this Sunday. Thank you for your love and support. Love, G ’’

When you are feeling a bit shaky, do you reach out and ask for help?  Do you envision yourself being successful, happy and fulfilled and ask for others to hold that vision for you?

I hope Eli Manning’s envisioners are not as powerful as Brady’s!

Go Pats!

Ego is engaged when we have to be right, need to look good, are afraid to fail.

When we are in the realm of possibility, we are open, curious, calm.

I had a client, Donna, who wanted to lose 10 pounds… you know, that last 10 pounds you want to lose for years?  I asked her what she had tried before and she gave me a list of diet programs she had tried to follow.  She said they didn’t work because she felt deprived, had to think really hard about what foods to eat and what not to and, in the end, when she wasn’t successful, she beat herself up, told herself she was bad and wrong… and, or course, ate to sooth her feelings.  In a word, Donna stayed stuck.

I suggested that she forget about the weight loss goal for a moment and to just imagine what was possible for her if she was at her goal weight… forget how you might do it or whether you should or shouldn’t… just feel what opportunity is available to you if you are at your idea of an ideal weight.  She lit up, she was inspired. She saw herself feeling light and energetic and active and strong.  She saw herself feeling fit and positive… She was inspired by the possibility of being that fit, energetic person.  With that inspiration and vision in mind, we set out to create a plan for her to lose the 10 pounds… driven from the heart, not the ego.

I had another client,  Jane who wanted to get back into an exercise routine but couldn’t find the time and get into the habit.  Again, I asked her to think about what was possible for her if she were exercising?  She created a compelling vision of herself strong and fit and energetic.  With that as a backdrop… we began to work on the how.  Along the way, each time she found herself resisting going to the gym or working out, I asked her to notice what was running the show… her head full of ‘shoulds’ and reasons why not, or possibility, overflowing with energy and inspiration?  So, I suggested that she NOT check in with her head on the matter of whether she was going to go to the gym and just make a conscious choice to check in with her source of inspiration, her heart.  Her first response when I suggested that was, “oh, that will never work for me,”  a comment coming from the head, by the way.  So, I pressed on and asked, are you willing to consider the possibility that it might work?    She agreed and sure enough, she found herself getting exercise regularly, enjoying it and miraculously, other things got done too.

The show stoppers tend to be things coming from your head.  When you go back to your heart, you get moving.

As Peter Drucker said, “The Best Way to Predict the Future is to Create it.”  And, the best way to create it is to imagine and be open to all of the possibilities, rather than drawing on all of the history, memories, fears.

Well, if it were REALLY that easy, if you could have health, wealth, happiness and fulfillment by just doing a few things differently, why isn’t the planet overrun with wealthy, joyful, richly related, fit, satisfied people?

Because while the mechanics of life are simple, and any of us can learn them, our inner world isn’t so clear cut.  Feelings and emotions are messy.  The scripts we’ve developed, the beliefs we hold dear, the assumptions we make, the fears we harbor come into play and get in the way of our ‘just doing…” They make what others say is easy, really, really hard.  In fact, it is our internal processes that create our most challenging roadblocks.

In order to be successful, we need to understand our values, our feelings and our fears and make some shifts from the inside out.

When you find yourself stuck, unable to ‘just do…”  ask yourself, “What is in the way of my doing this?”  Listen carefully to the voice in your head or the movie that is playing there.  Do you hear someone saying, “who do you think you are thinking you can do this?”  Or do you see a loved one criticizing or disapproving?”  Do you jump to an internal dialog that sounds something like, “What if this doesn’t work out?”

Pay attention to how your body feels.  When you first think about moving toward your idea or dream do you feel excited, only to have that followed by a different sensation, perhaps one of fear or overwhelm?  Can you feel heaviness in your body or a lump in your throat?

Your thoughts and feelings have real power over you.  In order to keep moving forward toward your goals, you have to pay attention to your whole body in order to know how to re-empower your deflated sense of excitement.

You have to reprogram yourself to catch yourself when your inner voice and inner movie projector throw up road blocks.

The first step is awareness.  Get to know your body’s signals.  What messages are you sending yourself?  What do they mean?  What is going on in your mind and your body that is causing you to be stopped?  Where do these messages come from?  How can you counter them?

Disempower your negative thoughts. If you notice that you are having negative thoughts like, “I can’t”, “it won’t work out”, “I shouldn’t…”, ask yourself,  “Is this true?”  By true I don’t mean is it possible that it might happen.  I mean, is this absolutely, irrefutably true?  If it is not true, ask yourself, “What is the truth in this situation?” If it is true, ask yourself, “So what?  What is the worst thing that could happen if that outcome occurred?” Let’s say you can hear your best friend’s voice saying, “Remember the last time you did…? It was a complete disaster.  What makes you think this will be any different?”  You automatically start thinking, “She’s right.  I could never do this.”  Is it true that you failed before?  Maybe it is.  Is it absolutely true that you will fail again?  No.  And even if you do fail again, what’s the worst thing that can happen?  You are guaranteed not to succeed if you don’t try.  Would you rather go down swinging or on a called strike?  And, finally, consider what you can do to minimize your risk.

Acknowledge, understand  and work through your feelings. For many people, feelings get in the way of showcasing their true greatness.  The feelings may show up as embarrassment, overwhelm, feeling stupid.  Underneath those feelings is fear.  Fear of losing face, fear of failure, fear of asking for help and looking stupid, fear of upsetting others or the status quo.  When we dig deep to discover the basis of our feelings, we can pinpoint what we need to do to move through them.  Feelings should not be ignored. They convey important information and it is important to understand them, heed their messages and learn from them.  One of my clients was really excited about a possible new job opportunity.  She loved everything about it except that it would require that she be out at events several evenings a month.  This didn’t bother her but she was afraid it would upset her husband and put her marriage at risk.  That thought was so scary to her, she decided not to pursue the opportunity.  When I asked her if she had asked her husband about it, she said, “no”.  She just assumed it would be a problem, feared the impact and acted on that fear.  Identifying the fear and understanding it’s source, gave her the direction she needed to take some effective action.  She spoke to her husband about it and learned that while it wouldn’t be his first choice to have her out a lot, he was excited about this opportunity for her and would be willing to make it work.

It may not be as easy as 1-2-3, but you can overcome your fears and allow your true greatness to shine!

My hope is that you will read this and make some choices that result in you not having these same regrets in your final days.

1.   I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all.  The patients had lived according to what they thought others wanted or expected of them at the expense of their own deepest desires. As they looked back, they saw that the choices they had made came with the high price of having their dreams unfulfilled.

What dreams do you have that you are pushing aside?  Choose just one, right now, and take some small action toward making it a reality.

2.   I wish I didn’t work so hard.
We feel as if we have to work 50-60 hours a week to get ahead and to provide for our loved ones.  But the result is, we don’t have time to enjoy the fruits of our labor.  We aren’t there to BE with the ones we are so devoted to.

Where can you renegotiate and set boundaries so that you have more time and energy to spend with people close to you?  What tasks can you delegate?  Where can you give up control and accept good enough instead of insisting on perfection?  What trade-offs can you make in order to be truly fulfilled instead of constantly being on the hamster wheel of life?

3.   I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people never voiced their true feelings either positive or negative. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many became physically ill because of the negative energy they harbored throughout their lives.  Others never dared to express their love for others because it was uncomfortable or they feared the reaction it might invoke.

We cannot control the reactions of others but it is important to be true to ourselves and express that truth.  Often, once those difficult messages are communicated, a platform is set up to resolve differences and the relationship becomes richer and deeper, or in other situations, open honest communication causes unhealthy relationships to end, freeing you to pursue more fulfilling opportunities.

What communication have you withheld and why?  Look into your heart and make a commitment to resolve unfinished business, express your true feelings, state your honest opinion, regardless of your discomfort about how it might turn out.

4.   I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they did not truly realize the value of old friends until their dying weeks.  Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

Given our busy lifestyles, it is easy to let friendships slip through the cracks. Who have you lost touch with that you’d like to reconnect with?  Reach out.  Send them a letter, an email, call them on the phone.  Rebuild the bond while you can.

5.      I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. They lived within the confines of their comfort zone, being cautious, ‘looking good’ and playing it safe.  Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh fully, experience adventure, take some risks.

Life is a series of choices.  It is YOUR life. Choose consciously. Choose authentically. Choose happiness.

A lot of people see me as someone who is pretty brave.  I’m fairly independent and self-sufficient.  I run my own business. I’m always busy with one thing or another.  I, however, don’t see myself as particularly bold.  I have been stopped by my fears a million times.  When it happens, it feels like coming to the end of a short tether.  I’m charging headlong into a project or the execution of an idea and, boom, I run out of rope and I am abruptly pulled up short.  I get virtual whiplash. Take for example, the time I was going to pitch myself as a speaker at a major women’s conference.  I was really excited.  I could see myself standing in front of a room full of women.  I made some notes about what I would propose and then, suddenly, I slammed on the brakes.  The force of my self doubt and inner fears about not being good enough stopped me in my tracks. I buried that dream and moved on.  That’s just one example.  I’ve been living that way for a long time.  When I was a senior in high school, I was supposed to spend six months living with a family and studying in France, but I chickened out and stayed home in my small suburban town instead.  I’m still regretting that one, almost 40 years later.   Each time I start something and don’t carry it out because of fear, I regret it.

So, sometime last spring, I decided it was time to put an end to that.  I thought that going skydiving might be just the thing to do to push me past my debilitating fear.  Up until that moment, skydiving was something I thought I wouldn’t do in a million years.  Now, I was thinking it was the answer to my challenges.  In a conversation with one of my clients, she told me of the many situations in which fear had kept her from doing things she’d wanted to do and I shared my idea about skydiving with her.  She was intrigued.  Two days later, we each got a Groupon in our inboxes for half off skydiving and we knew it was meant to be.  I asked others if they wanted to go and got a variety of responses ranging from ‘are you crazy?’to ‘I’d never do that but you go girl’ to my dear 75 year old friend saying, “I’m in!”

So last week, the three of us headed off to Sky Dive Pepperell, filled with excitement and trepidation, open to whatever our adventure would reveal to us.

And an adventure it was!  Sheer exhilaration and joy!  Not even a fraction as frightening as I had anticipated.

Here are some of my ‘ahas’ and take-aways:

1. Things are rarely as scary as you imagine they will be.
2. Thorough preparation helps allay fears and minimize danger. (Sky Dive Pepperell did an amazing job preparing us for our mission.)
3. Having an abundance of support is essential (We had each other and a competent crew at Sky Dive Pepperell)
4. Fear is heavy and burdensome.  Today I feel light and energized.
5. It’s important not to let other people’s opinions sway you from your own truth.  (I had many people question my sanity and try to talk me out of going.)
6. This feeling I have of not being afraid is how a lot of people who I admire live their lives.   Thing just don’t seem like such a big deal when you aren’t run by fear.

What life goals are you not reaching?  What are the fears that are stopping you?  What big bold move can you take to overcome them?

1. Determine what’s really important to you. Sometimes we hang on to old dreams that are no longer relevant.  Reassess what you truly value and want and let go of the shoulds.
2. Focus on what you do have that makes you happy and find ways to get more of those things. What we think about expands, if we focus our attention on the positives, we will see and get more of them.
3. Let go of concerns about what others will think. Don’t let what you think others will think keep you stuck.  You might be surprised to learn that others admire your courage when you take a bold step to change.
4. Reach out to others. You’ll be amazed to find out how many others share you feelings and frustrations.  Instead of commiserating with each other, commit to taking action to change your circumstances and support and hold each other accountable.
5. Consult with experts. Learn effective ways to change your situation.  If you are in debt, talk to a financial professional.  If you have health issues, see a medical or wellness professional, etc.  What you know now is what got you to where you are now.  You need new information and insight in order to move beyond it.  Often the solution isn’t as daunting as you thought it would be.
6. Take action. Stop whining and worrying and begin to do something.  Take one small action every day that will move you closer to your dreams.
7. Be patient. You didn’t get to where you are in your life overnight and you won’t get out of it in a blink either.  Each small step will empower you, give you a sense of control and move you closer to your desired outcome.

So go ahead… Use the wisdom you have amassed over the years,  set new expectations and  live into those new hopes and dreams.  It’s not too late.

• Give a stranger a sincere compliment.
• At a restaurant, buy dessert for another family.
• Buy a bouquet of flowers for someone you care about.
• Let someone go ahead of you in line.
• Bake a batch of cookies to share with your co-workers.
• Talk with a homeless person or buy them a cup of coffee or a bagel.
• Write an appreciative letter to someone who has made a difference in your life.
• Write a note of appreciation to your mail carrier.
• Hold the door open for someone.
• Call or visit someone who is sick.
• Say “Good Morning.”
• Give someone a hug.
• Give your seat to someone who needs it more than you on a bus or train.
• Pay someone’s toll.
• Leave a generous tip.
• Make someone laugh.
• Donate clothes to a charity.
• Smile!
• Leave flowers on the doorstep of someone you don’t know; ring the doorbell and run.
• Make a card for someone you love.
• Pick up trash at a local park.
• Put a quarter in a parking meter that has expired.

And, my all time favorite:

• Be spontaneous.  Make an effort to act  on each and every kind thought.

Not only will these acts (and others you may think of) make others happy, but performing random acts of kindness feels great and it gives you an incredible burst of adrenaline.

Maybe we should stop reading the gloom and doom headlines and turn to our youth for hope and inspiration!  Thanks Marissa!

If you’ve been following me for long or know me well, you know that I’m not one to whine and complain.  So what’s up with this downer?

The first step in shifting your attitude and mood is to acknowledge it and try to understand what is causing it.  Identify what is and isn’t in your control;  honor the things that cannot be changed and act on the things that you can do something about.   So in my case, I can’t bring my father back but I can remember positive things about him and honor my feelings of sadness and loss.  I can’t reverse the stock market slide (sorry, wish I could) but I can sit down with my husband and take a look at our finances and our spending and take some appropriate, responsible action to cut back on spending.  That will give me a sense of intention and control.   I can, as I’m doing here, share my feelings with others and not internalize it all and think, “I’m the only one.”  And I can support others to turn their attitudes around too.  I can be  grateful for the wonderful 18 years I have had with my son living at home and be proud of him and us and be excitedly curious about who he will become as he launches into this next chapter of his life.   I can look around at my friends and neighbors and collect evidence that it all works out and they live through the separation process.  I can focus on the good fortune I do have and show gratitude because there are so many people in the world who are in far worse situations than I.   I can, above all, be gentle with myself and keep moving forward at the pace that I can, confident in what history can tell us:  “this too shall pass.”

I’d love to hear from you, how do you shake your funk or help others to do so?

“Each day, awakening, are we asked to paint the sky blue? Need we coax the sun to rise or flowers to bloom? Need we teach birds to sing, or children to laugh, or lovers to kiss? No, though we think the world imperfect, it surrounds us each day with its perfections. We are asked only to appreciate them and to show appreciation by living in peaceful harmony amidst them. The Creator does not ask that we create a perfect world; He asks that we celebrate it.”  ~Robert Brault

Some simple daily practices to make appreciation a habit:
1. Each time you have a negative thought,  pause and think about what might be good about the situation.  Even after something as horrific as the attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11, people were finding things to be grateful for… the flight they were supposed to be on but missed, early morning doctor’s appointment that made them late for work, the many, many people who were fortunate enough to survive.  If people can find the upside in something so terrible as that, you surely can find the silver lining in your misfortunes.
2. When you see something you like, make a point of commenting about it to someone.  I am especially awed by things in nature, even worms and spider webs.  I don’t like them but they are beautiful.
3. When someone does even the simplest thing for you, even if you expect it, say thank you and show appreciation.
4. Tell someone you are happy to help them.
5. Thank the cashier, bus driver, waitress, janitor for their efforts.  You may not ever want to do those jobs but imagine if no one did them.
6. Remember, you have to ‘be the change you wish to see in the world’ (Gandhi) so if you want more appreciation, you must show more appreciation.  It will come back to you ten-fold.

Noticing and showing appreciation can lift your mood, enhance your relationships, be a means by which you make a contribution to the world.  Appreciating can put things in perspective, give you relief from your daily worries and troubles.  It is potent medicine and best of all, it’s free.

I just returned from ‘Spark and Hustle‘,  a 3 day conference for women entrepreneurs, put on by Tory Johnson, best knows as the Workplace Contributor on ‘Good Morning America.’  Tory lined up an amazing cast of smart, successful, inspiring speakers to share information and inspiration with about 200 women entrepreneurs.   I left with so many fabulous ideas,  but most importantly, I gained focus and clarity for my coaching business.  And, then, this morning, it was no accident that I heard Johnny Nash’s song, “I Can See Clearly Now” on the radio.   It’s hard to listen to that song  without feeling good. It’s just one of those songs that is uplifting and puts a smile on my face. And, as I listened to it today, it made me think about the importance of seeing clearly when you are trying to make a change. I thought about all of the times when I’ve felt excited about something, optimistic and energized, only to land squarely back in my old stuck place because I hadn’t created a clear path to my destination. Optimism is a necessary start to the change process but it isn’t enough. Seeing clearly is an important theme in change from start to finish. Can you clearly see the rainbow at the end of your efforts? Your vision for what you hope to create? Can you clearly see the reason you are trying to make the change(s) you are trying to make and is that reason motivating? Are you clear about the potential obstacles you will encounter and do you have a solid plan for how you will overcome them? Have you identified the bad feelings that are standing in your way and can you make them all disappear  so you can take positive action? Can you let go of self-doubt, anger, guilt, judgment and turn them around to self-assurance, acceptance, forgiveness and compassion? In the song, the lyrics tell us that the dark clouds have gone away, there’s nothing but blue sky, yet in the video, we see clouds.  When you look around your life, do you  notice what’s good and positive or do you dwell on the lingering clouds?

Clarity is key to successful change. Anything less will keep you stuck!  Go ahead, treat yourself.  Listen again.