That’s what one of my clients said to me last week.  Who among us hasn’t had that thought?  Most of us grew up fueled by a dream of living happily ever after with prince charming and having a life of joy and abundance.  We never imagined the various challenges we would have tossed in our path.  We didn’t expect terrorism, recession, environmental threats, high unemployment, difficult marriages,  poor health or any of the other monkey wrenches we have encountered on the way to old age.  And we are unprepared to deal with the unexpected twists and turns of life.  We hang onto our idealized expectations and feel cheated and wronged that it didn’t turn out as we’d hoped.  Whether it is fair or not, we are where we are.  The best way to stay stuck is to tighten our grip on the perceived injustice of that.  If we want to break out of the place we’re in, we need to change our mindset.

1. Determine what’s really important to you. Sometimes we hang on to old dreams that are no longer relevant.  Reassess what you truly value and want and let go of the shoulds.
2. Focus on what you do have that makes you happy and find ways to get more of those things. What we think about expands, if we focus our attention on the positives, we will see and get more of them.
3. Let go of concerns about what others will think. Don’t let what you think others will think keep you stuck.  You might be surprised to learn that others admire your courage when you take a bold step to change.
4. Reach out to others. You’ll be amazed to find out how many others share you feelings and frustrations.  Instead of commiserating with each other, commit to taking action to change your circumstances and support and hold each other accountable.
5. Consult with experts. Learn effective ways to change your situation.  If you are in debt, talk to a financial professional.  If you have health issues, see a medical or wellness professional, etc.  What you know now is what got you to where you are now.  You need new information and insight in order to move beyond it.  Often the solution isn’t as daunting as you thought it would be.
6. Take action. Stop whining and worrying and begin to do something.  Take one small action every day that will move you closer to your dreams.
7. Be patient. You didn’t get to where you are in your life overnight and you won’t get out of it in a blink either.  Each small step will empower you, give you a sense of control and move you closer to your desired outcome.

So go ahead… Use the wisdom you have amassed over the years,  set new expectations and  live into those new hopes and dreams.  It’s not too late.

I opened my local newspaper today and found an inspiring column, written by a 14 year old who, with a number of other teens have made great strides in changing the world!  Marissa has formed a group of like minded teens who have done amazing things to help others and change the world.  They’ve collected used jeans for homeless teens, made and donated fleece blankets to  abused, neglected and emotionally disturbed children, baked and decorated gingerbread houses for nursing homes, hospices and rehab centers around town and more.  This 14 year old, wise and generous beyond her years, shared some ideas for how every individual can change their own frame of mind and make a difference in the world, one, small act at a time.  Here’s her list.

• Give a stranger a sincere compliment.
• At a restaurant, buy dessert for another family.
• Buy a bouquet of flowers for someone you care about.
• Let someone go ahead of you in line.
• Bake a batch of cookies to share with your co-workers.
• Talk with a homeless person or buy them a cup of coffee or a bagel.
• Write an appreciative letter to someone who has made a difference in your life.
• Write a note of appreciation to your mail carrier.
• Hold the door open for someone.
• Call or visit someone who is sick.
• Say “Good Morning.”
• Give someone a hug.
• Give your seat to someone who needs it more than you on a bus or train.
• Pay someone’s toll.
• Leave a generous tip.
• Make someone laugh.
• Donate clothes to a charity.
• Smile!
• Leave flowers on the doorstep of someone you don’t know; ring the doorbell and run.
• Make a card for someone you love.
• Pick up trash at a local park.
• Put a quarter in a parking meter that has expired.

And, my all time favorite:

• Be spontaneous.  Make an effort to act  on each and every kind thought.

Not only will these acts (and others you may think of) make others happy, but performing random acts of kindness feels great and it gives you an incredible burst of adrenaline.

Maybe we should stop reading the gloom and doom headlines and turn to our youth for hope and inspiration!  Thanks Marissa!

I’m in a funk!  I feel down, unmotivated, unproductive, lonely.  And, truth be told, I have good reason to be feeling this way.  For starters, read the newspaper.  There isn’t a lot of good news out there.  On top of that, I’m sending my first born off to college in a few weeks.  If you don’t think that’s rife with emotions, guess again.  Yesterday marked the 4th anniversary of my dad’s death.  That one creeps up on my out of nowhere every year.  I’m just back from a month ‘sabbatical’ on the coast of Maine and re-entry is proving challenging.  The summer is drawing to a close.  Enough?  There’s more but I won’t bore you with the details.

If you’ve been following me for long or know me well, you know that I’m not one to whine and complain.  So what’s up with this downer?

The first step in shifting your attitude and mood is to acknowledge it and try to understand what is causing it.  Identify what is and isn’t in your control;  honor the things that cannot be changed and act on the things that you can do something about.   So in my case, I can’t bring my father back but I can remember positive things about him and honor my feelings of sadness and loss.  I can’t reverse the stock market slide (sorry, wish I could) but I can sit down with my husband and take a look at our finances and our spending and take some appropriate, responsible action to cut back on spending.  That will give me a sense of intention and control.   I can, as I’m doing here, share my feelings with others and not internalize it all and think, “I’m the only one.”  And I can support others to turn their attitudes around too.  I can be  grateful for the wonderful 18 years I have had with my son living at home and be proud of him and us and be excitedly curious about who he will become as he launches into this next chapter of his life.   I can look around at my friends and neighbors and collect evidence that it all works out and they live through the separation process.  I can focus on the good fortune I do have and show gratitude because there are so many people in the world who are in far worse situations than I.   I can, above all, be gentle with myself and keep moving forward at the pace that I can, confident in what history can tell us:  “this too shall pass.”

I’d love to hear from you, how do you shake your funk or help others to do so?

I think I could live by quotes alone!  I love how other people       use language and often think they can express things better than I.  And so, I say, why reinvent the wheel?  Why try to best the greats?  But instead, why not share the wisdom of others with the universe?
In that spirit, I share a quote about appreciation and ask you to think about what it means in your life and how, if you are so inclined, you might take action on its message in order to enhance your life.

“Each day, awakening, are we asked to paint the sky blue? Need we coax the sun to rise or flowers to bloom? Need we teach birds to sing, or children to laugh, or lovers to kiss? No, though we think the world imperfect, it surrounds us each day with its perfections. We are asked only to appreciate them and to show appreciation by living in peaceful harmony amidst them. The Creator does not ask that we create a perfect world; He asks that we celebrate it.”  ~Robert Brault

Some simple daily practices to make appreciation a habit:
1. Each time you have a negative thought,  pause and think about what might be good about the situation.  Even after something as horrific as the attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11, people were finding things to be grateful for… the flight they were supposed to be on but missed, early morning doctor’s appointment that made them late for work, the many, many people who were fortunate enough to survive.  If people can find the upside in something so terrible as that, you surely can find the silver lining in your misfortunes.
2. When you see something you like, make a point of commenting about it to someone.  I am especially awed by things in nature, even worms and spider webs.  I don’t like them but they are beautiful.
3. When someone does even the simplest thing for you, even if you expect it, say thank you and show appreciation.
4. Tell someone you are happy to help them.
5. Thank the cashier, bus driver, waitress, janitor for their efforts.  You may not ever want to do those jobs but imagine if no one did them.
6. Remember, you have to ‘be the change you wish to see in the world’ (Gandhi) so if you want more appreciation, you must show more appreciation.  It will come back to you ten-fold.

Noticing and showing appreciation can lift your mood, enhance your relationships, be a means by which you make a contribution to the world.  Appreciating can put things in perspective, give you relief from your daily worries and troubles.  It is potent medicine and best of all, it’s free.

I just returned from ‘Spark and Hustle‘,  a 3 day conference for women entrepreneurs, put on by Tory Johnson, best knows as the Workplace Contributor on ‘Good Morning America.’  Tory lined up an amazing cast of smart, successful, inspiring speakers to share information and inspiration with about 200 women entrepreneurs.   I left with so many fabulous ideas,  but most importantly, I gained focus and clarity for my coaching business.  And, then, this morning, it was no accident that I heard Johnny Nash’s song, “I Can See Clearly Now” on the radio.   It’s hard to listen to that song  without feeling good. It’s just one of those songs that is uplifting and puts a smile on my face. And, as I listened to it today, it made me think about the importance of seeing clearly when you are trying to make a change. I thought about all of the times when I’ve felt excited about something, optimistic and energized, only to land squarely back in my old stuck place because I hadn’t created a clear path to my destination. Optimism is a necessary start to the change process but it isn’t enough. Seeing clearly is an important theme in change from start to finish. Can you clearly see the rainbow at the end of your efforts? Your vision for what you hope to create? Can you clearly see the reason you are trying to make the change(s) you are trying to make and is that reason motivating? Are you clear about the potential obstacles you will encounter and do you have a solid plan for how you will overcome them? Have you identified the bad feelings that are standing in your way and can you make them all disappear  so you can take positive action? Can you let go of self-doubt, anger, guilt, judgment and turn them around to self-assurance, acceptance, forgiveness and compassion? In the song, the lyrics tell us that the dark clouds have gone away, there’s nothing but blue sky, yet in the video, we see clouds.  When you look around your life, do you  notice what’s good and positive or do you dwell on the lingering clouds?

Clarity is key to successful change. Anything less will keep you stuck!  Go ahead, treat yourself.  Listen again.