You’re tired.  It seems all you’ve done all day is respond to requests, put out fires, and defend the ineptitude of others. The to do list you created this morning looks pretty much the same as it did at 8:00 AM. You’ve been so busy, you haven’t even had time to go to the bathroom yet you feel as if you’ve accomplished nothing.  Your well is dry. As you drive home from work, you have an image of quiet solitude.  You crave the peace and privacy of your very own home.  You begin to unwind, anticipating the relaxing evening that is just inside your front door.   And then, as soon as you turn the doorknob, your dream is shattered.  The kids are wrestling, they need help with their homework, they are feigning starvation; the house is in a state of disarray, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink and you remember that your significant other is away on a business trip.  You lose it.  Before you know it, you are yelling at the kids, kicking the dog and reaching for the bottle of wine (or whiskey).  Your children tell you that their day was better before you walked into it, and you are feeling badly, realizing they are probably right. 

So, what can you do to avoid such a situation? 

1.      Manage your time at work so that you get important things done and gain a sense of accomplishment.

2.      Plan and prepare dinners in advance so that you aren’t faced with that task the minute you walk in the door.

3.      As you are driving home, recognize your stress.  Acknowledge how you’re feeling and the causes of the feelings.

4.      Change your expectations.  Stress is often a result of reality being inconsistent with expectations.  Expect a little craziness when you walk through the door.  Then you won’t be surprised or disappointed when that’s what you get! 

5.      Change your conversation with yourself.  Instead of telling yourself your kids should be quiet and respectful of your feelings, tell yourself that they are kids, they have spent the better part of their day holding it together in school and now they need to act like kids and make a little noise, have a little fun and make a mess.  They are doing their job and they are darn good at it!

6.      Create a re-entry plan and stick to it.  Make a conscious choice about how you are going to deal with the chaos you walk in on.

Option A: Ignore it, go to a peaceful place and just sit and relax for a few minutes or   meditate. 

Option B:  Get radical and jump right into the fray.  Join in the fun.  There’s time for clean up later!

Option C:  What ideas do you have?

Life is short!  Live it without regrets!!

Last night, after hearing that the stock market had fallen below 7,000 for the first time in over a decade, I tossed and turned about the state of the economy.  I know, not something I can do much about, especially at 3:00 in the morning.  I’ve always prided myself on being financially responsible.  I’ve worked, paid my taxes, put away money for the future so my kids could go to the college of their choice and my husband and I would have a comfortable retirement.  And now, thanks to the irresponsibility of those who are far wealthier than I, all of that is for naught.  My financial habits, which were in line with my values, have been derailed by those whose values are quite different than mine.  And, I’m left in a twist about it.  One of the greatest factors in stress level is the amount of control one feels over his/her circumstances.  The less control, the higher the stress level.  So, while I’m feeling pretty stressed about the state of the overall economy, I’m  trying to find things in my life over which I do have control.  One of those, of course, is my thoughts.  So, here’s my de-stressing thought for today:  Maybe this is the lesson we, as a materialistic society full of greedy people, needs to learn, the 2 x 4 ‘upside the head’ that we need in order to reassess our priorities, return to more moderate lifestyles and restore family values.  Yeah, that feels right (to me).  And, I can continue to teach my children good money values and responsible habits.  Yeah, that’s in my control.  And, I can (even though I would prefer not to have to) find ways to save money without feeling deprived (OK, maybe a little deprived). 

I’d love to hear what how you are responding to the economic crisis and how you are managing your stress (if you are having any) about it.  Please comment!

Who isn’t stressed right now?    We’re in the midst of political change, economic turmoil and to top it off, the holidays are upon us!    Many of us, when feeling fear and stress, turn to varying degrees of self-destructive, or at least derailing  behaviors.    Under stress it is harder than ever to maintain our resolve to act in powerful ways.   We turn to food and drink for comfort, we are more irritable so we snap at our loved ones, not to mention the cashier at the gorcery store, (Oh yeah, it’s not her fault the price of food is sky rocketing), we get defensive when our boss makes a request and, we just plain forget to breathe!  Any of this sounding familiar?

So, what’s a Stress Ball to do?

As the Serenity Prayer tells us, “God grant me the serentiy to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”

1. Sort it out.  What are the parts of what’s going on around you that you can do someting about and what is out of your hands?  Spend your energy in places where you can make a difference.  Don’t rehash what’s gone before, complaining or bemoaning the past.  Do something, no matter how small that will move you and others forward.
2. Find the good in the situation.  Consider the possibilities that these circumstances might create.  I know it isn’t always obvious in the moment, but I’ve seldom seen a difficult situation not result in some gain.  It might be as simple as learning just how resilient you are or it may be that you get the job of your dreams after being laid off.  Add a little sugar, a little water and some ice to that lemon and you’ve got yourself some sweet lemonade!
3. Rise above it.  Don’t get sucked into everyone else’s gloom and doom.  It’s true, misery loves company. But it’s tough to feel good about yourself and the world at the end of the day when all you’ve done is bitch and moan and listen to others do the same.  Spend time with people who are optimistic, active, healthy and forward looking.  Stay on track with what you want for yourself.  If you are committed to being healthy, stay with that intention.  When you are tempted to bury your fears in chocolate, stay strong.  Find a healthy alternative to sooth your angst.  Go for a walk, meditate, get busy on a project you’ve been putting off or make a positive contribution to someone else.  Remember, if you surrender to your momentary whim, you’ll regret it tomorrow!
4. Take action.  Don’t just sit there.  Do something.  Sometimes I’m in such a funk I can’t figure out what to do.  At those times, I’m tempted to pick up the phone and call a friend and whine and complain.  At the end of the call, I’m no better off.  A better strategy is to ask for help.  I choose to talk with people who I know will give me a good, supportive, loving Kick in the butt and make me laugh and then I’m good to go!
5. Be bold!  A great line from the movie Risky Business:  ‘Sometimes you gotta say, what the @%#!, make your move…every now and then, saying what the @%#! gives you freedom.  Freedom brings oportunity.  Opportunity makes your future.  Take some risks, follow your heart!

Challenge:  Make a list of all of the possible positive things you hope to come out of these difficult times.  Now, go forth and manifest them!!